


Fake Smile / Jaeyong

by Roseheartjade



Series: Fake [1]
Category: NCT (Band), SHINee, SuperM, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:02:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 38,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23295217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roseheartjade/pseuds/Roseheartjade
Summary: You think they'd be interested in you if you weren't the leader?"Taeyong, leader of NCT does not always have it easy with 21 band members. Especially now that SM Management has decided to take on another new member. Lei went to the same school as Taeyong and knows him longer than anyone else. So he knows Taeyong's bad side and knows about his past and he likes to let him feel it again and again. Lei hates Taeyong since their schooldays and already at that time he swore to take revenge for everything he did to him.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: Fake [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117925
Comments: 81
Kudos: 407





	1. Prologue

_"You think they'd be interested in you if you weren't the leader?"_   
  
  


Taeyong, leader of NCT does not always have it easy with 21 band members. Especially now that SM Management has decided to take on another new member. Lei went to the same school as Taeyong and knows him longer than anyone else. So he knows Taeyong's bad side and knows about his past and he likes to let him feel it again and again. Lei hates Taeyong since their schooldays and already at that time he swore to take revenge for everything he did to him.

* * *

**Lee Taeyong as Lee Taeyong - > Leader of NCT**

**Riley Wang as Lei - > new NCT member **

**Jaehyun as Jaehyun - > Taeyongs anchor**

**NCT as NCT**   
  


Warning: I'm from Germany and not fluent in English. English is not my first language!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're so golden  
> I'm out of my head, and I know that you're scared  
> Because hearts get broken  
> ________________

Tired and exhausted Taeyong unlocked the front door to the Dorms where NCT lived and quietly entered the hallway. His bones ached with every step and he knew that he would have sore muscles the next day. A glance at his cell phone told him that it was already 3am and all his band members except Haechan were already asleep, so he tried to walk quietly through the hallway to his room. Taeyong had been in the studio all day long until late at night training to improve his dance skills and stamina and was now looking forward to his warm and soft bed.

As he walked past Haechan's room, he heard him laughing softly, telling him that the 19 year old was still awake. Taeyong knocked softly and put his head through the door. Haechan was still sitting in front of his computer and still seemed to be playing while his roommate Johnny was already sleeping deeply curled up in the ceiling. Haechan stopped his game and turned to the door and waved to Taeyong before taking off his headset and squinting at the clock. "You're just back now?"  
Taeyong nodded slightly and stroked his hair. "I've been working a bit on the choreos for SuperM." He smiled slightly and squinted at Haechan's computer screen. "What are you playing?"  
Haechan turned up his nose slightly and ignored the question. He and some other band members were not a big fan of SuperM. He was afraid that both Taeyong and Mark would neglect NCT, especially Taeyong who they needed as a leader every day. "Don't overwork Hyung." Taeyong nodded slightly and gave Haechan an encouraging smile. "Don't worry I'm fine. I'll get some sleep before walking around like a zombie tomorrow." He laughed softly and Haechan also smiled. "As if you could do that. Good night Hyung." It was no secret that everyone thought Taeyong was abnormally beautiful. Anyone instead of Jungwoo would like to trade looks with him. Taeyong laughed slightly and bit his lip to not wake Johnny. Haechan grinned slightly and put his headset back on. "You'd better go to sleep too." Taeyong watched Haechan for a moment and when he remarked he turned his eyes. "Sleep is not for me." He laughed slightly for a moment and waved to Taeyong before returning to his game. Taeyong watched him for a moment before he slowly left the room and quietly closed the door behind him. Haechan usually went to bed much too late, but managed to be fit every time the next day, while others would faint with tiredness after a little sleep. He simply had way too much energy and had to get rid of it before he could rest. On quiet soles Taeyong sneaked past the other rooms into his own room and stretched himself extensively before he put his bag down, grabbed a change of clothes and trotted into the bathroom and took a long shower. During the shower he thought about the day and went through the choreo to "I can't stand the rain" in his head before he left the shower and fell into bed dead tired.

Just under 4 and a half hours later he was woken up again when someone knocked quietly on his door. Overslept Taeyong mumbled in and turned to the door. Tired, he rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times before recognizing Jaehyun in the door. He smiled at him slightly. "Sorry to wake you, but the management just called. They want to talk to you and you are welcome to come over immediately."

Taeyong immediately sat up in bed and looked confusedly at the younger one. "Did they say what it was about?" Jaehyun shook his head. "All they meant was they'll send a car to pick you up in 15 minutes." Taeyong sighed and let himself fall back into bed. "Doyoung made breakfast, so if you hurry you can have some before you go." Jaehyun smiled at him one last time before he left the elder's room. Taeyong sighed slightly and buried his face in the pillow for a moment before he swung out of bed and trudged into the bathroom. He was still quite tired and had absolutely no desire to talk to the management. He was nervous of the conversation as he had no idea what it would be about. Had he done something wrong? Would they scold him for something? His muscles hurt from training, as he had predicted yesterday, and he wished he could fall back into bed and sleep for a few more hours. Sighing, he quickly got ready and dressed. Since he had neither time nor desire to style his hair he just grabbed a cap and put it on before he left his room. The lower floor was already much busier than the upper floor. Mark and Johnny were both sitting at the kitchen table talking about something in English. Taeyong was too tired for English conversations and therefore did not understand much. In the adjoining living room Yuta and Jaeyhun were both sitting and watching some TV program, while Jungwoo sat on the floor in front of the sofa and let Yuta massage his shoulders and babble happily. Taeyong smiled at the sight and his heart warmed slightly. It was good to see all the members so close together and he felt like in a big family. With a smile on his lips he took the last steps to the kitchen counter and pressed the button of the coffee machine. Doyoung, who was standing at the stove, handed Taeyong a plate of scrambled eggs with a smile on his face. "I heard you are about to be picked up." Gratefully he took the plate and immediately began to eat and nodded.  
"Jaehyun had just woken me up and informed me." Doyoung nodded slightly and mustered him a little.  
"You'll let us know if they say anything negative, right?" Doyoung has always had great respect for the management and was always afraid that they would say something bad.  
Taeyong looked at him calmly. "I don't think it will be anything negative."  
Lie. He himself was a little afraid of it, but he did not want to worry Doyoung unnecessarily. He took the finished coffee and tipped it into a To Go cup and quickly took a sip. However, he immediately burned his tongue on the hot drink and hissed slightly. Johnny, who was sitting at the kitchen table with Mark, looked up briefly due to Taeyong's hissing and muttered only a "Caution hot" before turning to Mark's mobile phone again. Taeyong still stuck out his tongue before he turned the lid of the drink and decided to let it cool down. Doyoung smiled slightly. It was not unknown that Taeyong is clumsy. He often burned himself, dropped things and knocked over other things. He was like that and it always made everyone smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until the the sun rises above the world  
> I wanted to protect you by my side
> 
> _____________________

With bored eyes, Taeyong sat in front of the management office. Although he was picked up on time, he had to wait more than 30 minutes in front of the office until the colonels had time for him. He felt like at the doctor's office where you also always wait endlessly long in the waiting room even though you actually have an appointment. To bridge the time he played games on his mobile and after another 10 minutes he was finally allowed to enter the office. Slightly annoyed by the waiting time, as well as nervous about the conversation, he entered it and let himself fall into one of the uncomfortable but comfortable looking pink armchairs and looked up at the three men in front of him. One of them was SM founder Lee Soo-Man.  
"Ah! Nice of you to make it here Taeyong."  
The eldest of the three spoke up and smiled at Taeyong, causing his tension to drop immediately. The smile already said that it would not be negative news and he breathed a sigh of relief.  
The oldest of the three, crossed his arms on the table and looked at Taeyong for a moment, probably because he had breathed out too loud. The three men first started to ask Taeyong typical questions. How things were going with the boys at the moment, if everyone was exercising enough and if everyone was healthy and alert, since the tour was coming up soon before they got to the real issue. 

"As you know, NCT is a band without a fixed number of members. Big Hit Entertainment has sent us an artist that will join NCT." Confused, Taeyong looked up. Why on earth would Big Hit Entertainment send an artist to another company? Lee Soo-Man the founder of Sm Management immediately understood his confusion and intervened.  
"Big Hit just got a new boy band with TXT and is not looking for new idols right now. Lei, that's the name of the young man, was already cast for TXT but he was too old for the concept of the band so Lenzo Yoon called me and asked me if we wanted to have him. He sent me some videos of him and I thought that he would fit perfectly into NCT and decided to record him."  
Taeyong listened intently. It has never happened before that idols were distributed or exchanged among the companies. SM was an entertainment with a seemingly endless number of bands and solo artists, while Big Hit was much smaller. Taeyong sometimes envied Big Hit idols very much. While the managers there only cared about one band, SM was constantly creating new bands and neglecting many bands and existing ones, such as SHINee. Through SuperM Taeyong has a closer contact to Taemin and Taemin had often told him how sad it had made him when SM announced a new band instead of promoting SHINee.  
"Anyway," continued the other manager. "Lei will join your group, or rather 127, and move into the dorm tomorrow. Since you are the leader, it's your duty to welcome him and introduce him to the others. Lei has been with us for 3 weeks now and has already reworked some necessary choreographies, but he will be very dependent on your help."  
Taeyong nodded slightly. Of course he would take care of him, after all it was his job. Lee Soo-Man clapped his hands briefly before he stood up and gave Taeyong his hand. Taeyong shook it briefly and bowed slightly before the founder of the company left the room and left Taeyong alone with the remaining two managers.

They spent another 20 minutes in the office talking about the next appointments NCT has in the near future before Taeyong is released and he leaves the building. While sitting in the van on the way back to the dorm, he checked his cell phone and saw that he had missed a lot of messages. Doyoung as well as Taeil have already squeezed him privately about the conversation, while the other messages are either from the NCT group chat or from the SuperM group chat. Baekhyun was the one who had the idea to create a group chat. Smiling, Taeyong clicked on the chat and skimmed the missed messages. Kai asked when the next SuperM dates were, probably he had forgotten them again. Ten as well as Baekhyun had answered him and Lucas, as he is, had responded with a meme, whereupon Baekhyun also answered with a meme. Taeyong laughed slightly and thought about what he could answer but then just left it to read along. But when he saw that even Taemin had sent a meme, he decided to send one too, and a small meme war broke out in the group.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I saw an angel  
> When I first saw you,  
> You shined like an angel from heaven
> 
> _________________

Excited and slightly nervous, Taeyong stood together with Johnny and Yuta in front of the management office the following day. They came in threes and would leave in fours. The time had come and NCT would get a new member again. When Taeyong came back the day before from the conversation with the management, Doyoung, Jaehyun and Johnny were waiting for him eagerly. Especially Doyoung wanted to know every detail of the meeting. Taeyong asked the three of them to call the other members so that he could tell the news directly to everyone and while the three of them immediately went to the rooms of the others he took a shower and slipped into comfortable cozy clothes. The bandmembers of 127 were already sitting at the table in the kitchen and waited for him when he went downstairs a few minutes later. NCT consisted of 4 units in total. NCT 127, NCT U, NCT Dream and WAYV. The Dorms are also divided by the units, so not all 21 members were on site. Taeyong sat down on the free place at the head of the table and looked into the slightly nervous faces of the others. They all knew that Taeyong was with the management and were probably afraid that it would be bad news. However, when Taeyong told them that they would get a new member, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. However, not everyone was excited about the news and Taeyong could understand this well. It happens quite often now that some members are neglected when it comes to screen time in the music videos or lines in the songs. Especially Yuta didn't seem to be that enthusiastic about it and Taeyong decided to talk to him in a private conversation later. The others, especially Jungwoo and Haechan seemed to be quite happy about it and made a bet about who could become friends with the new one first.

Now almost 24 hours later it was time and the number of NCT members would rise to a proud 22. Johnny who was standing next to Taeyong sipped tiredly on his coffee while Yuta looked with crossed arms at the entrance door of the office. Even today he was still not very enthusiastic about the idea of admitting a new member, but he insisted on accompanying Taeyong and getting to know Lei directly. Taeyong could understand Yuta, especially after their conversation yesterday. The Japanese wasn't afraid of getting even less screen time, he was afraid of change. Right now NCT are like one big family and he was afraid that new faces might destroy this harmony. Taeyong tried to talk him out of this fear, after all they have already gotten new members several times and with each of them they are now close friends, especially with Jungwoo. Jonny, on the other hand, was happy about a new band member, especially when he heard the Lei had spent much time in America like he and Jaehyun did, so he immediately offered to join Taeyong as well. Taeyong was immediately very grateful to him, because although he was the leader he is always quite shy towards strangers, especially when he has to face them alone. When the door of the office opened all three of them looked up immediately. Lee Soo Man stood in the door with a broad grin and had put his hand on the shoulder of a young man who stood nervously next to him. So this was Lei. Lei, the newest NCT member stood nervously smiling next to the CEO and stroked his blue greyish hair before he turned his eyes to the singers in front of him. Yuta and Johnny watched him slightly and then looked at their leader. Taeyong smiled gently at Lei. At that time the 24-year-old didn't know that they actually knew each other. Lee Soo Man released his hand from Lei and clapped his hands briefly. "Lei, this is Taeyong, Johnny and Yuta from NCT. They'll take care of you now." He turned to Taeyong. "Taeyong is in charge of you as a leader so don't be afraid to report any problems to him." He raised one finger slightly. "Taeyong I'm counting on you." With these words he nodded to all the boys one last time before he went back to his office and closed the door behind him and the hallway sank into silence until Johnny cleared his throat and walked towards Lei smiling, holding out his hand. "Hey welcome to NCT, the biggest and most chaotic band in K-POP history." Johnny laughed briefly at his own words. "I'm Johnny." Lei who was still standing there totally insecure smiled slightly and you could clearly see how he relaxed and squeezed the hand of Johnny. Taeyong looked at Lei a little while he let Johnny involve him in a conversation. Lei was a little bigger than him and definitely more muscular. His hair was dyed bluish and styled upwards and Taeyong wondered which natural hair colourhe could have before he released himself from his little stare and also walked up to the new one to greet him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Find me when I was pure  
> I can't be free from this lie  
> Give me back my smile  
> Caught in a lie
> 
> ______________________

The whole trip back to the dorm Johnny babbled excitedly with Lei about his time in America. Lei had moved to New York for a year shortly after school to do a year abroad and improve his English before he took part in the casting of Big Hit Entertainment and got accepted. He told how he was in constant contact with BTS in the USA because they were on the radio all the time and everyone around him was constantly talking about the boy band. When they came to New York for a concert, he decided to become an idol as well, or rather to try it. And it worked out. Right after his casting Big HIt told him that they were looking to form a new group that would be as successful as BTS. But in the end it turned out that the concept of this group should be different and the idols should be younger. Lei didn't fit into the concept and since Big Hit knew that he had great talent they decided to either record him solo or send him out. Lei himself didn't know which deal the two entertainment groups had made but finally he joined SM Entertainment and was about to make his debut with NCT. Taeyong listened to them closely and also threw in something every now and then or asked Lei enthusiastically about New York. Even Yuta who was not enthusiastic about a new member at the beginning listened to the conversation and seemed much happier than before.

Arrived at the dorm the others were waiting for the new member. Haechan and Mark sat together in the living room in front of the TV and played some game together. Taeil, Jungwoo and Doyoung sat on the sofa and seemed to talk while Jaehyun kept looking at the clock. When the four of them entered the building, everyone immediately looked up, eager to meet the newcomer. Taeyong was the first to enter the living room. He smiled at the others as a signal that the newcomer seemed to be completely okay and the others relaxed instantly. Grinning at the excited faces of the others, Taeyong stood up to Jaehyun who immediately looked at him with a smile before he too turned his attention to the other three who now entered the living room. All eyes were immediately on Lei, who stopped slightly nervously next to Johnny and waved into the circle. Taeyong cleared his throat slightly, which made all eyes move towards him and he himself became slightly blushing from the attention. "This is Lei our new member." With a small hand movement he pointed to the slightly shy boy. "As I understand it, he will debut in 127 and also in U. Now the only question is which room he will move into." He looked slightly apologetic at Lei. "Unfortunately, we have no more single rooms available, so you unfortunately, well what does unfortunately mean, you have to move in with someone." Right after this statement the first ones start thinking about where he could move in and a slight murmur was heard in the room. "Well, there's definitely no room at our place." Sounded Haechan's voice. The Maknae shared a room with Johnny recently and definitely didn't want to change that in the near future. Even Doyoung, who, like Taeyong, had a single room, didn't seem too happy about the idea of sharing it. After a short time Taeil cleared his throat and looked from Taeyong to Lei. "My room is big enough for two so if you don't mind, you can move in with me." Smiling, Taeil looked at Lei who returned the smile. Taeyong clapped his hands enthusiastically. "Great. Then we've got that settled." Relieved, he exhaled. He himself had been a little worried about having to take Lei into his room because of his leader position. Taeyong loved his single room and didn't intend to change that. He enjoyed the privacy and the resulting time for himself, as well as the pleasant peace and quiet in the room.   
After dividing the room Taeil, Johnny and Haechan helped Lei to move into his room while Jungwoo asked Taeyong questions about the new one. Laughing, Taeyong sat down on the sofa in the living room and tried to answer a few of the questions of the younger. Since Jungwoo was the newest member of 127 before, this was especially exciting for him now. He himself knew how excited Lei should be, especially since he is making his debut alone in NCT. He himself still had Lucas and Kun at his side. "Why don't you ask Lei all this yourself." Laughing because of the ever-increasing questions Taeyong looked at the younger one. "That would look totally weird." Giggling, the younger one leaned on Taeyong's shoulder and looked at his mobile phone. "On top of that, he's otherwise engaged at the moment." Taeyong watched Jungwoo slightly and smiled. Although Jungwoo was extremely curious and always in a good mood and loud, he was still shy towards strangers. He himself would never admit it but Taeyong knew this side of him only too well. And he found it quite cuddly. Jungwoo would never dare to ask Lei questions right now. He would have to get to know him a little bit better before he could feel comfortable around him. Taeyong had it easier then. He could easily communicate with new people or strangers. Of course he was nervous and excited but he wasn't afraid of it.

In the evening they all decided to have a cosy evening and get to know Lei better. Since nobody wanted to cook they all ordered at their favourite restaurant and sat cuddled up close together in the living room and talked about everything. In the center of attention was of course Lei, who had a lot of questions to answer. They learned that Lei is quite close with Suga from BTS due to his time at BigHit and that he still has a lot of contact to the guys from BTS as well as to Tomorrow x Tomorrow. During the evening Taeyong noticed quite fast that everyone accepted Lei and even looked forward to the time with him. Especially Johnny was very interested in the words the new guy said. Also Taeyong had to admit that Lei was quite ok and fitted perfectly to NCT.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 've always wanted to wrap myself up with you  
> If we're walking closely like this
> 
> ____________________

It didn't even take 3 weeks until Lei had settled in his new home and Taeyong was right because he and Johnny became one heart and soul. During the 3 weeks everyone helped to teach Lei everything. They helped him almost daily in the studio to learn the choreus of the old songs, while Lei always tried to remember the lyrics in the evening. After the 3 weeks there was already a clear improvement. Lei was now able to do almost all choreus without any mistakes. Only with more difficult ones like Cherry Bomb he had to fight a little bit. Also with the lyrics he became more and more secure and confident. Lei was a vocalist, his voice was a little bit similar to Yuta's singing, but what was really extraordinary was that his voice could go quite deep.

SM had postet a statement about Lei a week ago and informed the world about the new NCT member. The announcement hit like a bomb. In the social media there was wild activity. The opinions of the fans were divided. Many accepted Lei and there were already the first dozen fan sites about him, others didn't want a new member. To calm down the fans a little bit, the guys made a common livestream a few days ago where they answered a few questions before they played a round of Mafia. Yesterday evening the management uploaded a cover video of Lei on their YouTube channel and the fans loved it. Most of the negative comments about Lei quickly turned into positive ones and the new one from the group was accepted quite fast and especially loved and idolized by the fans. During the time Taeyong got more and more the feeling to know Lei and it confused him a bit. He couldn't imagine where he already knew the boy from, but the feeling didn't disappear and he decided to talk to the older one about it. Determined, Taeyong left his room only to stumble directly into Jaehyun, who looked at him in surprise and held his shoulder lightly. "Oops, not so rough." Taeyong smiled apologetically at Jaehyun, and the younger one immediately returned his smile. "I was going to ask Tae if you'd like to have dinner with me." Now Taeyong looked at him in surprise and nodded immediately. He had not spent any time alone with Jaehyun for a long time and missed it quite a bit. Lei could wait, Taeyong could talk to him later. For now, only Jaehyun counts. Jaehyun smiled even more because of his reaction, but Taeyong could immediately see how tired his smile looked and he started to worry immediately. Jaehyun didn't seem to notice this because he directly grabbed Taeyong's arm gently and pulled him down with him so they could go straight off. The way to the restaurant was silent and also in the restaurant both of them just kept silent for a while before Taeyong cleared his throat. "Are you alright?"  
Jaehyun hummed slightly and looked up. Slightly puzzled, Taeyong returned his gaze and waited for his answer. Jaehyun sighed slightly.  
"I feel like we are drifting apart Tae."  
Taeyong immediately looked at him in shock and choked on his drink.  
"I know I agreed to keep this all secret but I'm tired of hiding." Jaehyun sighed again and began to play with the tablecloth in front of him.  
"I miss you Tae." At those words he looked up and looked Taeyong straight in the eye. Taeyong immediately recognized the sadness in them and swallowed slightly.  
"Yes, I..."  
Jaehyun, however, interrupted him immediately.  
"I know I agreed to keep our relationship a secret but at least we could tell our friends and band members about it. I miss you at home where we are undisturbed by the management. I miss being close to you, Tae."  
Taeyong looked slightly at the table. Of course he wanted to hug Jaehyun 24/7, but he was simply not ready to tell the others. He had hoped that Jaeyhun would understand this and would give him time.  
"Tae listen." Jaehyun reached slightly over the table and took Taeyong's hands in his. A little surprised, Taeyong looked up. "I may not necessarily understand why you don't want to tell anyone but I accept it but please don't push me away from you completely. I feel like we are strangers to each other. We can behave the same way, we can still hug in front of the others or even cuddle together. We've done that before, so it wouldn't make any difference."  
Taeyong ran his thumb gently over Jaehyun's hand and nodded slightly. Maybe he should really start to see everything more relaxed, because it was true. Since they were together they were more strangers to each other than ever before. Taeyong avoided almost every contact out of fear the others would get suspicious. He knew that this wasn't right and that a relationship would never work that way. "I'm sorry Jae. I'll try to be better." Smiling sadly, he looked at his boyfriend who immediately nodded contentedly, lightly squeezing Taeyong's hand and smiling cheerfully at him. Taeyong returned the smile lightly before a waiter interrupted them both and brought their food. Both had ordered a sushi plate together and shared it with each other. Taeyong decided to really change his behavior because Jaehyun was definitely right. There is no point in being in a relationship if you just stay away from each other.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sunshine called you, is getting shorter  
> The deep darkness is getting longer  
> Why all my days are filled with you?  
> _____________________

Since Taeyong really wanted to keep his promise, he tried not to avoid Jaehyun any more, even when the others were around them, although Taeyong panicked every time that one of the others would find out about their secret. But he wanted to be a better boyfriend for Jaehyun, so he accepted the panic because he missed him too. So he even allowed the younger one to spend the night with him last night, and now he lay snuggled in the other one's arms in his bed. Lost in thought Taeyong drew light circles on Jaehyun's chest with his fingers while Jaehyun was still asleep. Taeyongs head rested on the upper body of the other and their legs were intertwined, and he could hear the heartbeat of the younger one. This sound completely relaxed him and he tried to fall asleep again for a few minutes, but he just couldn't do it. Slightly bored because his lover couldn't pay attention to him, Taeyong decided to leave the bed. Unlike Jaehyun he was an early riser and never understood how the other one could sleep so long. Gently he tried to get away from his friend without waking him. When he tried to untangle her legs, the other one growled briefly and Taeyong froze out of fear he might wake him up. But Jaehyun turned only slightly in his sleep, releasing Taeyong's legs and leaving the bed quickly and quietly. Since both of them had only slept in boxers and he had no changing clothes in Jaehyun's room, he simply grabbed one of Jaehyun's sweaters and put it on. The Hoodie was much too big for him and almost went to his knees, which made Taeyong wonder for a moment, since he never thought himself to be so much smaller than Jaehyun. Wrapped up in his friend's scent he left the room on quiet soles and stretched himself in the hallway once extensively until his bones cracked. He decided to make some coffee and see who of the others was already awake.

On his way to the kitchen he passed by Taeil and Lei's room and heard soft murmurs from there, so Taeyong decided to talk to the new one about his feelings. Nevertheless he knocked slightly nervously and shortly after that he stuck his head through the door. In the room there was only Lei sitting at his desk and seemed to learn the lyrics of their songs. Slightly surprised he turned to the door and blinked confusedly when he saw Taeyong. "Do you have a moment for me?" Lei nodded slightly and Taeyong entered the room completely and closed the door behind him. Lei turned around with the chair and looked up directly to the younger one. Taeyong cleared his throat slightly. "This may sound weird now but I can't shake the thought that I know you from somewhere and that we've met before." Taeyong wasn't a person who talked around for a long time, but he always came straight to the issue. Same here. Why should he talk about irrelevant things and make small talk in the first place, when he could just ask the question that has been on his tongue for so long. Lei looked at him slightly surprised before his facial expression changed slightly. Taeyong was actually good at reading other people's faces and recognizing their feelings, but he had never seen this expression before. He couldn't interpret it and this made him feel a bit insecure.  
"Yes, we do know each other."  
Li's voice was so soft that Taeyong almost missed it. But when he understood his words, he immediately looked at him in surprise. So his feelings hadn't deceived him and they actually knew each other. "We went to the same school Taeyong." He immediately stiffened slightly and looked at him with big eyes. This can't be good. Taeyong was not a likable classmate. He knew that himself. Lei crossed his arms in front of his chest and returned Taeyong's look with a cold expression.  
"I'm disappointed that you don't recognize me after all these years." Taeyong bit his lip slightly. He had the habit of biting his lip when he was nervous, stressed or felt uncomfortable. Actually, he did this all the time and it annoyed him a little bit himself, as his lips suffered quite a bit.  
"You ruined mine and my best friend's life back then." Lei almost spat out the words and they hit Taeyong like sharp knives. "You offended us almost every day that we both panicked at some point from even going to school." Taeyong suddenly felt totally uncomfortable in Lei's presence, while the feelings of guilt were eating him up from the inside. He closed his eyes for a short time and tried to concentrate before he looked at Lei again. "I..I'm sorry. I was a monster then but that boy from back then doesn't exist anymore. I've changed, I became a better person. I'm really sorry Lei. I can imagine how bad it was for me and what you had to suffer and believe me I'm really, really sorry." He couldn't get any further as Lei hissed slightly and walked towards Taeyong with quick steps, pressing him against the wall in no time. Far too perplexed, Taeyong looked up at Lei with big eyes and stopped in the middle of his sentence while his back banged against the wall. "You can apologize as often as you want, but it doesn't change the fact that I will always hate you Lee." Taeyong flinched slightly at the word "hate" and bit his lip again. He deserved it. Definitely. He was unfair and mean to so many people in his school days. But he was 12, he didn't really know life and didn't know any better then. If he could, he would turn back time and make up for it. Slightly frightened, because Lei was suddenly incredibly close to him, Taeyong opened his eyes slightly. Lei had leaned forward slightly and was so close to Taeyong that he could feel his breath on his face. Lei leaned slightly forward to the ear of the younger one. "I don't care about your excuses. I swore at that time to take revenge on you, and now I finally got the chance." Taeyong swallowed slightly. "So watch out Taeyong." With a cold grin on his face Lei separated from him and took a few steps back. He sparkled dangerously at Taeyong once more before he left the room, leaving the leader slightly shaking and totally confused and speechless.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I close my eyes  
> My memories  
> Will bring us back to that place  
> _____________________

The next few weeks were quite uneventful. NCT continued to work on their comeback as well as on their first performance together with Lei. He had held back last week and Taeyong thought that his threat was just to scare him, which definitely worked. He noticed that Lei behaved cold towards him and avoided him but otherwise nothing else happened between them, which made Taeyong really relieved. He was already quite stressed because of the comeback and all the appointments with SuperM anyways, so he definitely didn't need another stress factor. During the next weeks he and Jaehyun got much closer again and spent time together almost every day, and Taeyong slept at the younger one's place almost every night or the other way around. Right now they were back in the studio rehearsing the new choreographies together with their choreographer. They were all pretty tired and exhausted from the constant and long training but the date of the comeback was getting closer and closer and they all had to have mastered the choreographies by then. Lei had the most trouble with the dance steps, because he had to learn the new as well as the old steps and didn't had nearly as much experience as the others. Taeyong stood next to Jaehyun in the studio and handed him his water bottle as the younger one drank his empty when the choreographer called him and Lei to him. Confused Taeyong quickly handed the bottle to his friend before he ran to Lei and their choreographer. Lei didn't pay him a single glance. Maybe it was better that way. Better to be ignored than being punished with icy glances. Taeyong still thought that Lei had every right to hate him. He deserved it. He was mean to him and, as Lei told him, had made his high school time hell for him. "Lei, you still seem to have problems with the choreography." The choreographer first looked at Lei then at Taeyong. "Since you're the main dancer of the group and you know all the choreographies, I asked you to give Lei some private lessons, just to give him some assistance." As soon as the choreographer expressed his request, Taeyong's blood was frozen to ice. He couldn't imagine being alone with Lei at the studio. The older one wouldn't like that either, after all he hated him. But on the other hand Taeyongs could use the time to show Lei that he had changed and wasn't the same anymore as he was in their schooldays. Maybe he could try to make up for it with the older one and yes, maybe Lei would even start to forgive him. Enthusiastic about the idea Taeyong nodded slightly to the choreographer and looked shyly smiling at Lei, who had crossed his arms in front of his chest but also nodded slightly. "Okay great. I would always rent you the studio for an extra hour, so that you can stay here for a while after the normal training." The choreographer smiled contentedly before he ended the break to continue working on the choreographies. Taeyong ran back to his boyfriend, who immediately looked at him slightly questioningly. Taeyong briefly explained that he agreed to help Lei with the old choreographies after the official training before they both returned to training.

After the training the boys said goodbye to the two of them and Taeyong and Lei stayed alone in the studio. Taeyong clapped his hands slightly and connected his mobile phone to the jukebox. "Ok shall we start then?" Lei nodded slightly and both started to dance the steps of _Simon Says_. Taeyong watched Lei slightly and helped him every time he got mixed up with the steps. Overall the training went quite well and Taeyong was quite surprised that Lei listened to him very well and followed his steps. At the end of the hour both of them were even more sweaty than after the normal training, which is why Taeyong turned off the music and decided to end the training for today. Lei seemed to be quite happy about the idea, as he immediately grabbed his water bottle and drank it empty with big sips. Taeyong watched him shortly before he took a short breath. "Lei?" Called looked slightly questioning to the leader. "Can't we start over?" Taeyong wanted nothing more than to let his past rest. He didn't want a fight with Lei. The kid seemed totally cool and it would be great to be friends with him. Lei laughed slightly in response which confused Taeyong a bit. The older one put his bottle away, pulled the towel out of his pocket and threw it around his neck before he approached Taeyong. The latter watched him slightly, still confused by his laughter. Lei stopped directly in front of Taeyong and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the towel before he bent down slightly towards the younger one. Lei was almost a head taller than Taeyong. But it wasn't very difficult to be bigger than him. Taeyong was only 1.74m tall. Lei's gaze was quite intense and Taeyong slightly averted his gaze as he was absolutely not good at keeping eye contact. Lei laughed again slightly. "Sure, we can start over Taeyong." Instantly, Taeyong's gaze lay on Lei's again and he looked at him slightly surprised before a slight smile formed on his lips, which disappeared again the next moment when Lei grinned at him meanly. "Let's gladly start over again. But this time with swapped roles. This time I'm the one who'll make your life hell." Lei pushed Taeyong back, who was not prepared for this at all and thus stumbled and fell to the ground. Still frightened, he tried to catch himself with his hands and slightly bent over with his right hand, which immediately started to hurt. Frightened he breathed out and looked up at the older one with a frowned face, who only looked down at him with a mean smile. "What was that about?" Slowly Lei's behaviour was getting on his nerves. He understood that he probably deserved all this, but what else could Taeyong do? The two were together in a band where a fight between two members is absolutely unnecessary. Lei twisted his eyes. "You are and always will be the worst Taeyong. Stop trying. We will never be friends." Li's voice resembled the hissing of a snake and he sparkled angrily at Taeyong. "Yes, I will grant your wish." He bent back down to him. "I'm Lei and from now on I'm your worst nightmare. So prepare yourself." With the words, he once again sparkled at Taeyong angrily before he grabbed his bag and left the studio, leaving a confused Taeyong behind once again. Slightly shocked by what just happened, Taeyong held his hand throbbing with pain and watched him slightly before he shakily exhaled. He hadn't even realized that he had held his breath. He didn't know how to feel. He thought he got closer to the boy through the training and to have laid down their feud a little, but now the opposite happened and Lei seemed to hate him even more than before.  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one take you down.  
> It is our promise.  
> No one take you down.  
> Don't worry, I'll be there.  
> Shining like a star
> 
> ___________________

Still totally speechless as well as shocked, Taeyong left the studio a couple of minutes later. He was still holding his aching hand, which was slightly swollen by the impact. Taeyong always had the problem that his wrists, because they were so thin, were quickly bruised or hurt faster than other parts of his body. A small fall like the one earlier could make his wrist hurt quite a bit. Pretty upset about the situation, he entered the dorm and looked forward to a quiet evening to think about everything again. Maybe he could call JR, his best friend and ask him for advice. He might be able to help him further. He did not want to involve his own band members in this situation. They all seemed to like Lei immediately and he didn't want to get in the way. He thought about talking about this with Jaehyun but even he seemed to like Lei and spent a lot of time with him, so Taeyong decided not to burden him with his problems. Furthermore, Lei had the right to hate him and treat him that way. He still felt that he definitely deserved all this and he would continue to tolerate Lei's behavior towards him. Still nothing bad had happened, right? As Taeyong was walking down the corridor, on his way to his room, Johnny passed him. Taeyong smiled slightly at him, but the younger one didn't return his gesture at all. He just stopped in front of the leader with his arms crossed and looked down slightly at him. Confused, Taeyong stopped. "Are you alright?" Taeyong was someone who immediately worried about his members as soon as they didn't laugh or looked happy, and Johnny did not look happy at all. "You can't do this, Taeyong." Immediately he looked at him even more confused. Had he done something wrong? "Lei told me. You can't treat him like this." Taeyong froze slightly. Lei had what? He didn't understand anything. What had he done? He was about to answer something, to ask what on earth Johnny was talking about when he kept talking. "It is normal that he hasn't learned all the dance steps yet, but you don't have the right to insult him and to screw him up for no reason. The boy came back from training totally sad." Taeyong immediately turned pale. Lei said that about him? That he insulted him? He slowly understood what Lei meant by the role change and didn't like it at all. "Johnny, you know I..." But Johnny didn't let him finish at all and therefore didn't let him explain what really happened. "I am really disappointed in you Taeyong. And this is also because you're the band leader." Taeyong immediately recognized in Johnny's eyes that he really meant what he said. He was disappointed in him and Johnny was rarely disappointed in others. He got along with everyone and found also a friend in everyone. Johnny just shook his head in disappointment and walked past Taeyong. While doing so he slightly bumped his shoulder against Taeyong's, which made the older one flinch. He could understand Johnny. He would also be disappointed if one of the boys would screw one of the others because of his dancing style, but he hadn't done anything. Lei must have spread some lies about him and this act made him feel a little anxious. He didn't even want to imagine what else the other one had spread about him. With mixed feelings he entered his room and let himself fall against the door. He had to keep a clear head. Maybe this was just a one-time thing and Lei would let it go from now on. Maybe he had now received what he wanted. Taeyong didn't want to think about it anymore and grabbed his changing clothes to take a shower first. Maybe a nice shower would help him to clear his head. The shower did relax him, but it didn't help him either. Only when Jaehyun entered his room in the evening Taeyong's mood brightened again. The younger one immediately snuggled up in bed with his boyfriend and pulled him gently. Taeyong immediately relaxed in his arms and enjoyed his closeness more than anything else. Jaehyun always managed to calm the older one down and improve his mood. However, when Jaehyun interlocked their fingers, Taeyong automatically hissed a little as his wrist immediately reacted with a stabbing pain, causing Jaehyun to look at him worried. Taeyong didn't want to tell him the truth, so he talked his way out of it. He told his boyfriend that at the end of Training he demonstrated the choreo to Cherry Bomb to Lei and at the end he twisted his hand and it hurt since then. Taeyong had never struggled with the dance steps of Cherry Bomb and especially the turn at the end was always great, so Jaehyun slightly pulled his eyebrows together but still nodded. He gently took his friend's hand and spread gentle kisses on his wrist before swinging out of bed to get something to cool his wrist. Taeyong used the moment to look at his wrist himself. It was a little swollen and a little bluish in some places, but otherwise it didn't look too bad. Most likely he had just bruised it and the swelling would be as good as gone by tomorrow. The swelling was actually not as strong the next day as it had been the night before and also the pain had become much less and after a week his wrist was completely normal again as if nothing had ever happened unlike with Johnny. He still behaved cold towards Taeyong one week later. Lei must have really wrapped him around his finger. Taeyong didn't dare to talk to Johnny and tell him the truth. The American had found a close friend in Lei and he didn't want to disappoint him even more with the truth and so he hoped that Johnny would just forgive him again some day. His behaviour towards him hurt him nevertheless. He had always thought to be able to talk to his members and that they would always listen to him but Johnny now showed him exactly the opposite.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To help me see myself clearer  
> I never meant to start a fire  
> I never meant to make you bleed  
> I'll be a better man today
> 
> __________________________

But even weeks later, Johnny still showed the leader his cold shoulder and only spoke to him when he had to. Taeil and Yuta also began to behave colder and more rejecting towards him and Taeyong didn't understand the world anymore. Had Lei told the others the truth? Actually, all NCT members knew about his past, so why should his past suddenly become a problem now? However, he couldn't talk to the boys, because they either avoided him or he himself didn't have time for it because of his busy schedule with NCT and SuperM, and this tormented him a lot. He wanted nothing more than to get the matter out of the way and to get along with all members again. He didn't understand why the world had suddenly turned against him, when everything was actually going great at the moment. Of course he knew that not everyone got a second chance and yes, maybe he himself had not deserved one and this was now worth it. Maybe he should have suffered more and been punished more after all the deeds in his high school time and this was now made up for. Taeyong didn't know it and this fact made him a bit anxious. The time he spent with SuperM distracted him, fortunately from the stress with Lei and he enjoyed the time with his new band more and more. Especially with Taemin and Baekhyun he got along better and better. The time with Jaehyun also distracted him a little bit and he just hoped that everything would get straightened out and Lei would lose interest in him too. Unsuccessfully, even now, one month after the first incident in the studio, nothing had changed for the better. Lei literally treated Taeyong like shit. He used every time they were alone together to remind the younger one of his mistakes or to screw him up, whereby Taeyong's feelings of guilt reappeared and threatened to suffocate him. He himself had tried to leave his past behind, had buried his old self. He didn't want to be the one from the past anymore and also didn't want to be the one who broke down because of his actions and the consequences. But Lei managed to scratch the leader's self-confidence with every hostile look, every little mean remark. Taeyong knew that he had to end it all. He didn't want to become who he once was. It had taken too long to become the way he is now and he decided to confront Lei once again. Maybe he couldn't change his behavior as a normal person, but maybe he could as a leader, because that' s what Taeyong still was. He was still the leader of NCT and he would use this position now. During their one-on-one training, which still took place to the sorrow of Taeyongs, he decided to talk to the older one about it. He wanted to give him the choice to finally end their fight or he would go to the management and let them settle the issue. Taeyong wasn't someone who would let the management solve his problems, but in this case he didn't know what to do anymore. Lei had also spread rumors about him that were absolutely made up, but Johnny, Taeil and now even Yuta seemed to believe him more than their leader and if there was one thing Taeyong hated, then it was lying. Especially when those lies hurt someone else. He didn't care that they harmed himself, what he was worried about was the atmosphere within the band, because Lei had managed to set three members against Taeyong in the little time he was with NCT and he didn't like the uncomfortable mood in the band. He didn't want any more that his members came to him in the evening and asked him if the rumours were true and he also didn't want any more that they had to support one side. NCT had always been a family where nobody was excluded and exactly that had changed Lei completely in a few days.

At the end of the training, which actually only consisted of Lei giving Taeyong no attention but cold glances and doing his thing in front of the mirror, Taeyong paused the music and turned to the older one with crossed arms in front of his chest. "We should talk." He actually managed to sound confident even though he was totally nervous on the inside. Even though Taeyong was the leader, he was still shy around people. He often managed to appear strong and cool on the outside, but on the inside he felt a total mess every time. Lei also crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at him disparagingly. "It can't go on like this anymore. I really don't want your, I don't know, desire for revenge anymore. "Let bygones be bygones and let's be a normal band." Lei's answer was the same as always, first an annoyed humming before he sneered. "This was only the beginning, Taeyong." With these words, the older one turned to the mirror again and kept practicing his choreo. Taeyong bit his lip and scratched his head before turning to face the other. "Then you leave me no choice and we'll probably have to continue this with the management." Lei stopped at his words immediately and his face darkened. "What did you say?" His words sounded calm, too calm. He turned to the younger one and looked at Taeyong from slightly narrowed eyes. Taeyong swallowed slightly. He knew that the management would listen to him and would even believe him rather than Lei, because that's exactly what leaders were there for. "You leave me no choice." With these words Taeyong turned on his heel and grabbed his stuff. He had given Lei the choice, and since he wouldn't use it, he would just act now. But before he could leave the studio he was roughly grabbed by his arm and pulled back. Surprised and confused he stumbled back and looked into the incredibly angry face of Lei. His eyes glowed black and radiated incredible hate and without being able to defend himself against it his fist landed in Taeyong's face. Taeyong immediately hissed in pain, pulled his arm out of Lei's grip and stumbled back again. His nose as well as his lip immediately started bleeding and aching and tears shot through the pain in his nose into his eyes. But before Taeyong could react properly, Li's fist made contact with his body again. This time he hit his cheek and when Lei drew back a third time Taeyong automatically held his arms in front of his face, whimpering slightly, and let himself fall to his knees. Lei just laughed at this. "God you're so pathetic!" and kicked him in the side with full force and Taeyong could have sworn he could hear one of his ribs bones breaking. This time screaming slightly in pain he fell to the side and tried to slip away from Lei. He laughed triumphantly again. "Next time you better think about who you're messing with." And with that he disappeared from the studio, leaving a Taeyong trembling with pain on the floor. Taeyong himself was much too shocked to understand what on earth had just happened. Whimpering, he curled up slightly and held his incredibly aching side. The pain in his nose was nothing compared to the pain in his rib and the tears that had been burning in his eyes for a long time made their way across his cheeks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if I'm down?  
> What if I'm out?  
> What if I'm someone you won't talk about?  
> I'm fallin' again  
> I'm fallin' again  
> I'm fallin'
> 
> ___________________

  
  


After lying there for quite a while, he decided to go home at some point. He picked himself up from the floor and hissed immediately because of the stabbing pain in his side. He prayed to God that none of his ribs were broken. With slightly shaky steps he grabbed his stuff and left the dance studio. But before he left the building, he ran into the bathroom to clean the blood from his face. He leaned slightly against the sink and looked into the mirror. Tired and sad eyes looked back at him. His lip was quite swollen and was still bleeding a little while his nose had already calmed down. However, his whole face was smeared with blood. Taeyong was still too shocked by what just happened. Lei had literally beaten him, several times. For Taeyong it was now certain that he definitely wouldn't keep quiet anymore. He would tell the others and maybe they would help him in his fight against Lei. With totally shaking hands he started to clean the blood from his face under the water. The swelling in his lip didn't disappear, just like the sad expression on his face. It was definitely time to tell someone about it and Taeyong finally decided to tell his boyfriend. Jaehyun would know what to do. He always had a solution at hand and could help everyone in a great way. Taeyong encouraged himself one last time before he left the bathroom and afterwards the building. With every step he took, his side hurt incredibly and he automatically pressed his hands lightly against it in the hope of soothing the pain. Arriving in the dorm he wanted to go straight to his boyfriend and found him in the kitchen together with almost all the other members. All of them, except Jungwoo and Haechan, sat at the table with serious faces and looked up when Taeyong entered the room. Slightly confused Taeyong let his eyes wander over his band members. They all seemed angry and disappointed and he wondered what had happened. Lei also sat at the table between Johnny and Jaehyun. His eyes were reddened and it looked as if he had just cried. Why should he cry? Had the others found out what had happened and confronted him? Did Lei feel guilty about what he was doing and couldn't handle it? Taeyong couldn't imagine what had suddenly happened that the elder one might have cried. Jaehyun was the first to get up and walk towards him and Taeyong wanted to throw himself into his arms. After what just happened he needed the closeness of his friend and just wanted to cuddle up to him and hear his comforting words. Jaehyun, on the other hand, did not look at all enthusiastic and before Taeyong could even say anything, his head flew to the side as Jaehyun slapped him. Frightened, he immediately flinched back and held his cheek while looking at his boyfriend with big eyes. "How could you?!" Jaehyun's voice resembled the hissing of a snake and he looked at him incredibly angry before turning on his back and storming out of the kitchen. Johnny got up immediately, looked at Taeyong in disappointment and ran after his best friend. Taeyong didn't understand anything anymore and stood there paralyzed. With his eyes still wide open, he kept holding his cheek and wanted to run after his boyfriend and ask him what he had done wrong. He didn't understand what had suddenly happened, why he had deserved all this. But before he had the chance to follow Jaehyun, Yuta stood in front of him and looked at him with crossed arms in front of his chest and Taeyong felt even more uncomfortable than before. A little spark in him hoped that Yuta would take him in his arms and explain everything to him but the younger one didn't look like he was on his side. "I never expected all this from you, Taeyong." Taeyong looked at him. He didn't know what Yuta was talking about. He didn't understand what was going on and slowly got scared of the truth. "I... I don't understand, Yuta?" Yuta laughed slightly. "Of course not Taeyong. Keep playing innocent, but we're getting tired of your lies. We know who you really are now." Taeyong flinched slightly. What?   
_We know who you really are._  
He didn't understand what Yuta meant and looked at him helplessly before he looked over at the table and looked at his other band members looking for help. Mark just avoided his gaze, just like Doyoung. Taeil on the other hand got up and walked towards him and Yuta. "Lei told us the truth. About how you treat him. How you had started an affair with him and now that he had ended it, since he had found out about you and Jaehyun, you try to get him out of the band and because of that you constantly hurt him." Taeil snorted slightly angry. "God aren't you ashamed of yourself? Treating Lei and Jaehyun like this?" Taeyong was speechless. His mouth kept opening and closing. He wanted to say something back. To tell them that it was not true but he was paralyzed and didn't utter a word. He could not believe that they thought that about him, that they saw him like that. Yuta hissed slightly. "I never thought we would learn about your relationship with Jaehyun by breaking his heart." During the last sentence Taeyong flinched immediately.   
_Jaehyun_  
Damn, he really needed to talk to him. To explain to him that none of this was true, that he would never do such a thing and that he loved him, really only him. He squeezed past the two of them and went after his lover. After he explained it to Jaehyun, he could take care of the others with his help. For now, only Jaehyun counted. He ignored the stabbing pain in his side and literally sprinted up the stairs and ran to Jaehyun's room. Jaehyun sat on his bed, his face buried in his hands, while Johnny sat beside him and stroked his back. Taeyong could hear his boyfriend sobbing softly and he immediately felt his blood freeze. "J-Jae?" Both Jaehyun and Johnny looked up immediately. Johnny's face immediately went cold. "What more do you want Taeyong?" He hissed angrily and grabbed Jaehyun lightly. Taeyong's heart tensed at the sight of his boyfriend. Jaehyun wept and looked at Taeyong with such a painful expression in his eyes that Taeyong himself wished to cry. "i..it's not true." Taeyong's voice was low but both boys heard him anyway and Johnny immediately laughed scornfully. "It's not true? Screw you Taeyong." Pleading, he looked at Jaehyun and ignored Johnny. "Of course it's true. Lei could prove it to us." He immediately turned his eyes to Johnny. "H..he, what?"   
_How could he prove something that didn't exist?_   
Jaehyun sobbed only slightly and Taeyong automatically took one more step into the room. He wanted to hug his boyfriend and calm him down. It hurt him to see him like that. So broken and infinitely sad. He only knew Jaehyun as a strong boy who was always in a good mood. This sight broke his heart. "Lei has a picture of you two kissing. On top of that he told me that you tried it again today and that he punched you. Your split lip proves that too."   
_Lei had a photo? How could he have a photo? They never kissed_.  
"Y..you have to believe me." Taeyong didn't know what else he could have said. The others seemed to believe Lei more than him and that although they didn't know Lei for nearly as long "Please, Jae, it's not true. It's really not true." Taeyong walked towards the bed and knelt in front of Jaehyun, taking his hands in his own. "Please believe me. You know me. You know I would never be like this. Jae, please..." But Jaehyun immediately tore his hands from Taeyongs and looked at him. In his gaze Taeyong recognized right away that Jaehyun had already made a decision. He believed Lei and not Taeyong, and this realization almost suffocated Taeyong and he stood up trembling. "Y-You don't believe me." Taeyong himself now began to cry and stumbled backwards.

_Was he really about to lose everything?_   
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody knows how I got here  
> Nobody cared for my dream  
> I get high off my lows and stronger from the blows  
> So I keep on, keep on, keep on  
> ______________________

The next few days were a living hell for Taeyong. All of NCT 127 had turned against him and treated him as if he didn't exist. They all ignored him and Taeyong started to feel lonely. He still didn't understand what suddenly happened that everyone hated him now. He hadn't done anything wrong, had he? What hurts him most is the breakup with Jaehyun. He had hoped to have at least a supporter in him but he had also completely turned away from him. The younger one could barely stand to be in the same room with him without running away. Taeyong was completely desperate. He didn't dare to sit with the others for dinner anymore because the atmosphere would drop immediately and Jaehyun would leave instantly, so he either ate alone or skipped the meals completely. Anyways, his hunger had completely disappeared. His ribs still hurt like hell and the skin at his side was still deeply blue even after days, but he didn't dare to go to the doctor because he would ask him where the injury came from and since he was absolutely miserable at lying, he would tell the truth immediately. He knew that the truth would only make things worse. His band mates wouldn't believe him and thought that he just wanted to harm Lei even more and he didn't want to risk that. The only thing that distracted his mind were the SuperM schedules. The band was about to make their debut and therefore moved together to America for a few weeks. Taeyong was happy to get a time out from NCT. He couldn't stand it there anymore. Whenever he entered a room the conversations stopped, he was looked at hostilely and the atmosphere changed immediately. The only one who tried to behave normally towards him was Jungwoo and Taeyong was deeply grateful for that. Sighing, he took off his uncomfortable shirt and searched his suitcase for a comfortable hoodie. The cameras were finally off and they all had their privacy. The days in America until her debut were filmed for a documentary. Taeyong had chosen the single room on the first floor of the villa and enjoyed the peace and quiet. But with the silence the sadness came back and Taeyong felt incredibly lonely. He had never felt so lonely as he does now. His band members ignored him and he had no one to talk to and slowly he started to doubt himself. But when the door opened, he was immediately torn out of his thoughts and Baekhyun stuck his head through the door. >  
  
"Hey, are you unpacking already?" Taeyong nodded and was about to answer him when Baekhyun widened his eyes and entered the room.  
" _Taeyong_ , you're hurt!" Confused, Taeyong looked at him before he remembered that he was shirtless. "Oh, that's not so bad. Just a slight bruise Hyung."   
Baekhyun ignored him completely and walked towards him. "Let me see." He looked at the huge bruise with a wrinkled forehead and stroked it gently with a finger, causing Taeyong to flinch back. "The bruise doesn't look good at all Taeyong. "Did you have it checked by a doctor?" Taeyong shook his head, released himself from Baekhyun's arms and put on his hoodie. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."   
"I don't believe you Taeyong." Baekhyun sighed.  
"What don't you believe?" Taemin entered the room and looked at them both smiling. "Are you having a secret leader meeting?"   
Baekhyun shook his head and looked from Taeyong to the SHINee member. "Taeyong doesn't want to go to the doctor with his injury."   
Taemin looked to the younger one. "What injury?"  
Unwillingly, Taeyong lifted his pullover slightly and Taeyong immediately hissed in fright.   
"You definitely have to see a doctor with this, Taeyong. It doesn't look good at all."   
Baekhyun nodded instantly. "I told him so, but he won't listen to me."   
Taemin sighed and stroked his hair before turning to Taeyong. "How did you even get the injury?"   
Taeyong bit his lip. Should he tell them the truth? He decided against it and told the two that he got injured during the _Cherry Bomb_ Choreo and the two seemed to believe him, strangely enough. Who would ever think that he was beaten up? In the end, Baekhyun even managed to convince him to go to the doctor and both promised to join him for his appointment. 

In the evening, when everyone was already in their rooms and Taeyong was about to go to sleep, Taemin gently knocked at his door and entered the room. He sat down on the bed with Taeyong and looked at him slightly worried. "I'm sorry but I don't believe your story about the choreography, Taeyong." Surprised Taeyong looked at him and Taemin sighed slightly. "I know we haven't known each other for a long time but I want you to know that you can tell me anything. You can trust me." Taemin's words, although they were totally simple, touched him deeply and tears came to his eyes, making him turn away immediately. He didn't want to appear weak in front of his Hyung. Especially not in front of Lee Taemin. But Taemin gently put a hand on his shoulder and turned him back to face him. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem as happy as you did at the beginning of the SuperM time and yes I know Baekhyun is the leader but I'm really starting to worry." And from that moment on Taeyong could not stop it and burst into tears, whereupon Taemin immediately pulled him into his arms. Taemin stayed with him all night and Taeyong slowly began to confide in him and Taemin could not believe what he heard but promised not to tell anyone about it. Taeyong was incredibly happy to have someone who believed his story and was on his side and suddenly he didn't feel so alone anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wish that I could wake up with amnesia  
> And forget about the stupid little things  
> Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
> And the memories I never can escape  
> 'Cause I'm not fine at all  
> ________________

Taemin and Baekhyun indeed kept their promise and took Taeyong to the doctor the next morning, and it turned out, fortunately that he didn't suffer any fractures. His ribs were only sprained and bruised and would continue to hurt quite a bit for a while. The doctor gave Taeyong an ointment to put on his hematoma several times a day to counteract the bruise and he was very relieved to have no permanent damage. Especially not now, when the debut of SuperM is coming closer and closer. Taemin and Baekhyun were also very relieved about the diagnosis, as they both were worried about their new friend. They didn't know Taeyong for a long time, yet both had the urge to protect him as if he were their little brother. Of course, they met before SuperM from time to time at award shows or ran into each other in the SM building, but they only became friends through SuperM. Although Taemin promised him not to tell anyone the truth, he couldn't help but tell Baekhyun directly. He was sorry to break Taeyong's trust like this, but he alone didn't know how to help the younger one. Yet, Baekhyun didn't know what to do either. His first suggestion was to tell the management about it, after all Lei had physically injured Taeyong and thus endangered the SuperM debut as he also made himself liable to criminal prosecution. But Taemin directly said that Taeyong had forbidden him to do so. He had really begged him not to interfere and Taemin didn't want to break another promise, even if it tortured him a lot. Baekhyun and Taemin agreed in the end to just be there for Taeyong, and if it would really come to that point, they would even go with him to the management and testify for him. They tried to distract Taeyong during the days they all spent together in America. To make him happy and to make him laugh a lot, which they also succeeded in doing quite well from time to time. However, Taeyong was not nearly as cheerful as when they first met him. He retreated slightly, didn't laugh nearly as much as before and also became much calmer in general, while on the other side of the world Lei started more and more rumors and manipulated more and more people. He faked text messages and made it seem like Taeyong threatened him that, if he didn't leave NCT he would make his life a hell. Luckily Taeyong didn't hear about all these rumors until Mark and Lucas started to behave differently towards him. Mark and Lucas both fell for Lei's stories and accordingly turned away from their Hyung, which only made Taeyong's mood drop even more. He didn't know what to do about it. He had hoped that one day everything would get better on its own, but it only seemed to get worse day by day and he lost more and more friends. Mark and Luca's behavior didn't escape the attention of the others either and especially made Taemin and Baekhyun despair as they are in the middle of trying to cheer Taeyong up again.

Especially at their last breakfast together in LA the mood was a bit down. Mark and Lucas tried to ignore Taeyong as much as they could, even when he asked to pass him something from the other side of the table. But they both ignored the request completely, causing Kai to stretch slightly and handed the glass over to Taeyong. But before Taeyong could thank him or Kai could even answer, Baekhyun hit the table with his hands. " Hey... What's with this childish behavior? "This is our last meal together, can't we just enjoy it?" His statement was mainly addressed to the two youngest members. "Not if he sits at the same table." Mark's voice sounded slightly bitter and he briefly gave Taeyong a cold look. Taeyong himself flinched slightly at the harsh words of the SuperM Maknae. Immediately all eyes were on Mark, who cleared his throat slightly uncomfortably. Baekhyun drew in the air, but before he could say anything else, Mark stood up. "I'm sorry but I can't bear his presence." With these words he left the kitchen and Lucas followed him with an uncertain look a few seconds later. Baekhyun exhaled hissingly. "Are they serious?" Kai as well as Ten looked confused from the empty seats to the others. Of course, the two of them had noticed the changed atmosphere in the last few days, but both had no idea what had happened. Baekhyun was still complaining about the disrespectful behavior of the younger ones until Taemin nudged him slightly and pointed at Taeyong, making Baekhyun immediately silent. Taeyong felt as if Mark had punched him right in the face. His hands immediately began to shake and he hid them slightly under the table, trying to control his breathing. "Taeyong?" Taemin gently touched the purple-haired boy on the shoulder. He flinched a bit before he raised his gaze and looked at Taemin for a moment. "l..." With one quick movement Taeyong jumped out of his chair. I "m sorry. I... I'll go pack the rest of my stuff." With these words he also disappeared from the kitchen and left the other 4 boys behind. Baekhyun frustratedly buried his face in his hands and sighed up, while Kai and Ten sat there completely overwhelmed and confused.

After the successful SuperM debut it was time to go back to Korea, back to the NCT Dorm and Taeyong would be lying if he had to say that he was not afraid to return. He was afraid to meet Lei and to face his hatred every day. He also felt uncomfortable at the thought of running into Jaehyun again. His heart contracted painfully every time he saw his ex-boyfriend and he wished nothing more than to be close to him again. He missed him. He needed him! Jaehyun had always been there for him, even when they weren't in a relationship before. He could always rely on him and always lean on him. He also missed Jaehyun's love. They hadn't been together for long, but Taeyong had never been as happy as during their relationship. Taeyong actually had feelings for the younger one for a long time and when the music video for the English version of Highway to Heaven came out he couldn't deny and hold back his feelings anymore, so he panicked and confessed his love to Jaehyun. He had been incredibly afraid of ruining their friendship, but no sooner had Taeyong poured his heart out to him Jaehyun pulled him closer and kissed him. Jaehyun had also been in love with his leader for quite some time. The Cherry Bomb era, had completely turned his head and now to discover that his crush had the same feelings for him made him the happiest man in the whole world.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caught in a lie  
> Find me when I was pure  
> I can't be free from this lie  
> Give me back my smile  
> Caught in a lie  
> ________________

**J** **aehyun**

Losing Taeyong was the most painful and worst thing that ever happened to him. He had trusted him and still couldn't believe it. When Lei held the picture of him and Taeyong in front of his face, he felt his heart break into a thousand pieces. Taeyong was his true love. He had given him his heart and it broke him to lose this love in such a brutal way. He loved Taeyong and he thought until recently that he loved him too. He never expected that Taeyong would cheat on him. He couldn't imagine that the boy he loved so much was capable of blackmailing anyone. However, Jaehyun knew about Taeyong's past and it was exactly this knowledge that made him feel insecure. But the picture was crucial. He didn't understand why Taeyong did this to him. He really thought that they both loved each other. When Lei told him everything, a world broke down for him and he was extremely grateful that Johnny was immediately at his side. He couldn't imagined a better friend. Johnny was there for him and that even though he didn't even know anything about the relationship. Taeyong always asked him not to tell anyone anything. Maybe this was the reason for that. Maybe he didn't wanted to tell anybody anything because he never loved and never meant it seriously with him. This imagination hurt Jaehyun extremely. Even now that Taeyong flew to America because he had appointments with SuperM, there was no other topic in the house and it annoyed him quite a bit. He didn't want to be confronted with his ex all the time. Johnny tried everything to distract him, but nothing helped. The pain was too deep and he missed him too much. Especially now that Taeyong and Mark were back from America, he suffered more and more from the separation. He didn't want to see Taeyong every day and remember all the beautiful moments, which had ended so abruptly. He was afraid that if he spent too much time with his ex he would immediately forgive him and throw himself into his arms, but Johnny promised him not to leave him alone with Taeyong.

A soft knock on his door, tore him away from his thoughts and he turned his eyes to the door where Johnny appeared. "Hey, we are going to have a little band meeting. Would you like to join us?" Johnny smiled softly at him while Jaehyun sighed slightly and stroked his hair. "And by band meeting you mean...?" Johnny nodded. "Yes, Taeyong is also asked to be present. You don't have to if you're too uncomfortable Jaehyun." He knew he could just refuse and stay in his room, but he couldn't avoid Taeyong all the time. They were just a band living together. "I'm coming with you." With these words he got up from bed and stretched himself extensively. Johnny immediately nodded contentedly and took his friend with him into the kitchen where the others, apart from Taeyong, were already sitting. With a slightly uncomfortable feeling he sat down next to Jungwoo, while Johnny took a seat next to him and Lei. It didn't take long until Taeyong entered the kitchen and looked at them in surprise. Probably he didn't known about the meeting.

Lei cleared his throat slightly. "Taeyong, we need to talk to you." Taeyong swallowed visibly uncomfortable and sat down at the head of the table where he nervously played with his fingers. Jaehyun seized his moment and let his gaze glide over him. Taeyong was unbelievably pale, his lips looked bitten and his cheekbones were slightly sticking out as he had lost quite a bit of weight recently. All in all, he just looked broken and exhausted. For a short moment he felt pity and wanted to pull his ex boyfriend to him and beg him to eat more, but he quickly fasted again when Lei started to talk. "We have something to tell you, Taeyong." Lei crossed his arms in front of his chest just like Johnny. "We all agree that you shouldn't be in the leader position anymore." Surprised, Jaehyun looked at Lei. He knew nothing of this. Taeyong, at the other end, also looked up immediately in shock and, if this was possible at all, became even paler. "W..what?" His voice was soft and shaky, yet you could hear his disbelief clearly. "You heard me. We have consulted among ourselves and we no longer consider you suitable for this position." Lei grinned slightly. "We even thought about who might replace you."Incredibly, Jaehyun looked at Lei He knew absolutely nothing about it and accordingly was not pleased or agreed with the situation. Taeyong lowered his gaze to the table while he said only a quiet 'oh'. "We've decided to make Johnny the leader, after all he'd already taken over most of your duties anyway."

Surprised, Jaehyun looked at his best friend. Why hadn't he told him? Johnny cleared his throat slightly. "I have a suggestion. I'd actually like to suggest you, Lei, as the new leader. All eyes were now on Johnny, also Lei looked at him surprised. Johnny smiled. "Without you, we would never have known the truth about a certain person." His eyes flitted briefly to Taeyong. "I think you're made for the role." Yuta and Taeil nodded in agreement while Johnny looked around. "Let's just vote this out. Who's for Lei to be the new leader?" All hands were raised except Jaehyuns, Taeyongs and Jungwoos, which definitely put the others in the majority. Lei smiled immediately. "Uh wow, I hadn't expected that. I don't know what to say." Johnny laughed slightly and patted his friend on the shoulder."Of course, we still have to clear it with management to make it official, but as far as we're concerned, as of today, you are the new leader of NCT." There was immediate cheering at the table and Jaehyun's gaze automatically turned to Taeyong. Taeyong had fixed his gaze on the table, but he seemed to feel Jaehyun's gaze as not a second later he raised his gaze and their eyes met. Jaehyun recognised the pain in them immediately. As they stared at each other, tears gathered in Taeyong's eyes, but before they could fall, he quickly left the room. Before Jaehyun could even think of following him, Johnny had already put an arm around his shoulder. "Will you come with us tonight? We are going to celebrate Lei's election." But Jaehyun shook his head. He was not in the mood to celebrate. Not at all.Moreover, he was absolutely against taking the leading position away from Taeyong and it slowly became all quite bizarre to him. Of course Taeyong had hurt him incredibly but was this a sufficient reason to hurt him that much? Jaehyun was torn. Of course he heard the rumors and Lie's stories about Taeyong, but he slowly began to doubt them.   
  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to live, what am I suppose to do?  
> What am I suppose to do without you?  
> I should have just lived on without knowing you  
> How was I to know I'd go crazy from sadness like this  
> ________________________________

Taeyong felt as if the ground had been taken from under his feet. He felt like he was falling endlessly. They had actually taken away his leader status without even giving him the chance to fight for it. Taeyong knew that he was still the official leader of the group and that this would only change when the management allowed it. Nevertheless Taeyong felt incredibly miserable. He never thought that something like this would happen to him.Since he had the feeling that his whole world would suddenly collapse and he absolutely didn't know how to deal with it without breaking down himself, he did what he thought was most logical. He drove to his Hyung Taemin. Taemin knew the truth, he would listen to him and maybe even help him. Taeyong just needed a friend, someone he could rely on, someone who would listen and be there for him. Without thinking about it too long, he grabbed his jacket and left the dorm. It wasn't far to Taemin's apartment, so he walked the 20 minutes distance. When he arrived at Taemin's apartment he hesitated. What if he was just bothering Taemin with his problem? Wasn't Taemin in the middle of planning and preparing his comeback? Wouldn't he disturb and distract him?

Taeyong suddenly felt very insecure. He wasn't sure if Taemin even had time for him. But before he could change his mind and turn around, Taemin already opened the door. "How long will you stand there without ringing the bell?" Taemin looked at him with a grin, but when he saw the sad expression on the younger one's face, his good mood immediately turned to concern. "Taeyong? Is something wrong?" Taeyong didn't know what to say without breaking down. Taemin recognized the desperation in the other's eyes and therefore dragged him into the apartment first. He led the NCT singer directly into the living room to the sofa and sat down next to him. "Ok, what's going on? Has Lei done something again?" Taeyong played insecurely with his fingers while telling Taemin about the new events. Taemin listened to him silently and only shook his head in disbelief. Normally the older one would feel honored that the younger one went to his help and turned to him in the first place, but unfortunately he didn't know how to help him and felt frustrated about it. He wanted to help, wanted to take care of the younger one and finally bring back the beautiful smile on his lips and see him happy again. It frustrated him that Taeyong just had to go through all this and he couldn't deny that he was worried. He had just lost one of his closest friends. Jonghyun's loss still hurt him, still tore his heart apart as soon as he thought about it. Taemin had sworn to take better care of his fellow men ever since, to see more behind the masks of others and discover their true feelings, and Taeyong seemed broken and incredibly hurt.

Talking to Taemin helped Taeyong quite a bit. He felt understood by the older one, and he felt safe in his presence, even if Taemin couldn't help him. Taemin also asked Taeyong to stay with him for the next few days and he immediately accepted the offer. He did not want to go back to the dorm, back to Lei and was accordingly very grateful for this offer. Taemin also suggested to invite Baekhyun to make a movie night together to distract and cheer him up. Baekhyun accepted this invitation happily and was not even 30 minutes later at Taemin's apartment. He came fresh out of the studio and therefore had been right nearby. The three of them made themselves comfortable on Taemin's couch and watched a korean drama and even though they didn't really know each other before their SuperM debut they cuddled together. Taeyong leaned his head on Baekhyun's shoulder and he gently stroked his hair from time to time. Both older idols were worried about the younger one and wanted to do everything to make him feel better soon. In the evening they all ordered something to eat. The mood was definitely better and relaxed and Taeyong also forgot his worries a little bit. But maybe this was also due to the wine Taemin had opened not too long ago. When the drama got too cheesy for them at some point, they just decided to turn on a music program and sang along to the songs until the doorbell rang. Surprised that the food was delivered so quickly, Taemin got up from the sofa and ran for the door. Baekhyun filled up her wine glasses while Taeyong sang along quietly to the current song coming from the TV. But he stopped immediately when Taemin came back and he was not alone. He was joined by Jaehyun and Taeyong instantly felt uncomfortable watching his ex-boyfriend. Why was he here? Baekhyun noticed Taeyong was getting paler and paler and put an arm around his shoulder while he looked at the newcomer. "J. Jaehyun? Why are you here?" Taeyong still managed to speak to the younger one. He wanted to know why he was here. Did he want to hurt him again, just like the others in his band, or blame him for something he would never do or even do? Jaehyun took a step towards Taeyong before he stopped, unaware of how he would react to his presence. "I really need to talk to you, Tae."

At the mention of his nickname, Taeyong flinched a little. He had missed being called that, especially by Jaehyun, and looked up a surprise. Baekhyun, who was still standing beside Taeyong, pulled his arm back from his shoulder to cross his arms in front of his chest. "An apology and explanation would be in order, don't you think?" Baekhyun's voice sounded snappy, which surprised Taeyong quite a bit, since he had never heard him speak in that tone before. His voice sounded sour, angry and challenging at the same time.   
"Among other things." Jaehyun sighed. "But before that there is bad news.Taeyong I'm sorry but you must hear me out. Lei is planning something, something really bad and I couldn't just sit by and do nothing." Taeyong immediately became even paler, if that was even possible at all. Lei was planning something again? Wasn't it enough? Hadn't he suffered slowly enough?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm out on the edge and I'm screaming my name  
> Like a fool at the top of my lungs  
> Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright  
> But it's never enough  
> ___________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey :)  
> I can't believe that after only one week I got such good feedback uwu
> 
> I was honestly really afraid of being laughed at because of my weird English but you all motivate me to keep learning and working on it. 
> 
> Thank you so much ♥
> 
> I publish the original story on Wattpad in my mother tongue and English. I didn't really know Ao3 but everyone on Instagram and Twitter talked about the app and I thought I'd give it a try. 
> 
> I hope you like the new chapter. Have fun and stay healthy. Fighting!

Pretty nervous and most of all worried, the four of them let themselves fall on the sofa in Baekhyun's living room. All eyes were on Jaehyun and just waiting to hear the bad news. Taemin had fallen down beside Taeyong and looked at him from time to time. Baekhyun cleared his throat slightly.

"So go ahead and tell us." The oldest was still rather suspicious of the youngest. In Baekhyun's opinion, he especially should have stayed at Taeyong's side and listened to him, after all the two had been more than just friends. Taeyong didn't know if he was ready to hear bad news again. He didn't know how much more he could bear without breaking down completely. He still thought that he deserved it somehow, but he was also just a person who could break easily. Jaehyun nodded slightly and thought about how he could best express it. What he had heard in the morning had completely left him speechless and made him incredibly angry. Jaehyun cleared his throat.

"You remember Lei said at the very beginning that he's still close friends with Suga from BTS, don't you?" He spoke directly to his ex-boyfriend.  
Taeyong nodded his head.Of course he remembered and because of Lei's past with Big Hit this was foreseeable and realistic.  
"Well, it's exactly this connection or friendship he wants to use against you."   
Confused, everyone looked at Jaehyun. But Jaehyun had not finished talking.  
"Shortly after you had left the house, which we had all noticed by the way, I passed Leis room on the way to the kitchen and heard him and Johnny talking. Believe me, I don't see how Johnny can be supporting him in all this."  
Jaehyun sighed while everyone still looked at him in confusion. No one had any idea yet what this conversation would lead to.

"I heard Lei say that he talked to the management, told them everything and asked to kick you out of the band."  
Baekhyun took a frightened breath, but Jaehyun continued to speak unflustered.

"Lei said the management didn't believe him and wanted to hear your side of the story first."   
Taeyong looked up slightly surprised. The management had always treated Taeyong as one of their favorites and now it finally counted for something.  
"This made Lei pretty angry and he told Johnny how unfair it was and how stupid SM would be to keep someone like you in the company. Well, since Lei wants to get rid of you, he told Johnny his plan and when I heard about it, I had the feeling that my blood was freezing. I can't understand how he could think of such a thing to do to someone."  
Jaehyun clenched his fists. Taeyong knew that he always did this when something made him angry and furious.  
"He explained to Johnny that he had talked to BTS and they promised to help him in his fight against Taeyong. He had actually managed to manipulate BTS into blackmailing Taeyong in public."  
Taemin raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Why would they do that? I know these guys a little bit.They didn't seem to me to be prejudiced."   
Baekhyun nodded in agreement while Jaehyun sighed immediately.  
"Those were my first thoughts too, after all I know Jungkook a little bit, but Lei must have manipulated them somehow, because he explained that he had made a plan together with them. BTS would publish a video about Taeyong as soon as Lei gave the signal, where they would publish all his lies, as those of Lei, and so the whole world would know about it and think the worst about Taeyong and therefore the management couldn't do anything else but to kick him out."  
Jaehyun looked around slightly distressed. "I think Lei came up with even worse things than the ones he told us because I don't think BTS would be able to release such a video through the current rumors and consciously ruin a person's career and life. So he must have told them something new and I believe that he will tell us, NCT, a new story about Taeyong in the near future."  
Baekhyun rubbed his forehead. "I still don't understand why BTS should get involved."  
Taemin nodded in agreement. "Lei must have manipulated the boys incredibly. This isn't like them." Taemin sighed and got up from the sofa. "I need some alcohol now. Would you like a beer?" Jaehyun and Baekhyun nodded slightly and Taemin left the living room.  
Baekhyun stroked his hair nervously. "So what do we do now? We can't just let this happen and wait for Lei to make the next move."  
Jaehyun nodded immediately. "I will definitely talk to Johnny. He's my best friend, he'll listen to me."  
"The idea sounds good. With Johnny, he would lose his best ally." Baekhyun sighs again. "How can one person be so vicious..."

While Jaehyun and Baekhyun continued to talk about how they would proceed and how incredibly horrible Lei was, Taeyong had the feeling that he was about to panic at any moment. He had never thought that Lei would continue the fight outside the band and involve other bands. It drove him crazy to know that now seven other guys, with whom he never had contact before, thought the worst of him and believed Lei's lies. Yes, he was an ass in his childhood and mean to Lei, but none of his actions came close to those of Lei. The only thing Taeyong did were small, childish jokes like children do. His hater had always made the rumors about his schooldays look worse than they really were. Again and again new rumors came up and Taeyong was downright portrayed as a bullies. SM as well as his fans constantly tried to fight against these rumors. Taeyong knew that if BTS would release this video, there would be nothing left to save his reputation. BTS had too many fans. His career would be ruined immediately.

"W..what if..." Taeyong cleared his throat quietly and played unsteadily with his fingers. "What if I leave NCT by myself? Then Lei finally has his wish and doesn't have to involve BTS."   
If he would leave the band voluntarily, Lei would have no more reason to do this to him. Both Jaehyun and Baekhyun looked at him with a frightened look.  
" _What_? No!" Baekhyun's voice sounded high and quite frightened.

Jaehyun, also looked at his ex-boyfriend with big eyes in shock and knelt down in front of him. "Tae." He took his hands in his and looked at him. Tears were forming in Taeyong's eyes.  
"You always told me never to give up. No matter how hard the road is, no matter how many barriers you have to face, you can always make it to the end goal. Don't give up. We'll get it all back. NCT wouldn't be NCT without you. NCT would be nothing without you. I would be nothing without you." He gently stroked Taeyong's finger. "I'm incredibly sorry for not listening to you. I should have known from the start that there was something fishy about Lei's face. I'm so sorry, Tae. The picture he showed me was just so real and... I-I can't explain it."

Taeyong had no chance to hold back his tears and they were now streaming down his cheeks. Jaehyun gently stroked them away and pulled the older one into his arms. Taeyong immediately clung to him and sobbed up. He buried his face in Jaehyun's chest while his fingers clung to his shirt. He clung to his ex-boyfriend like a drowning man, who also pulled him close and held him tightly. Baekhyun, who had watched the two quietly, left the living room quietly so that he wouldn't disturb them any further and also interpreted Taemin who came back with three beers to leave them alone for a while.

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Jaehyun's voice also sounded shaky, which only made the two of them hold each other even tighter.

_"I-it's okay Jae, I... I forgive you."_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will be with you   
> I’ll come up to you  
> I will be with you  
> Always, my love for you...  
> ____________________________

** _Four months earlier_ **

Broken and slightly out of breath, Taeyong let himself fall on the sandy ground and grabbed his drinking bottle. They had been in America for several days now and were about to shoot the music video for the English version of _Highway to_ _Heaven_. They had just shot the dance break and through the heat of the blazing sun, he felt like he was about to collapse at any moment. The others felt the same. Taeil and Haechan also fell to the ground next to him and inhaled their complete water bottle.   
"I don't think I've ever sweated so much in my life."   
Whining, Haechan let himself fall on his back and held the small hand fan in front of his face in the hope that it would give him some cool air. Taeyong nodded in agreement and drank the last sip of water and looked around for his other band members. Jungwoo, Doyoung and Yuta sat with their backs against the jeep and looked incredibly exhausted as well, while Mark and Johnny talked to the staff team. Taeyong continued to glide his gaze over the crowd and then let it stick to Jaehyun, mustering him slightly. Jaehyun looked unbelievably good and that although he was incredibly sweaty, just like the others. When Jaehyun then poured the water from his water bottle over himself, Taeyong bit his lip without noticing and let his gaze glide gently down on Jaehyun's body. The white clothes immediately became transparent through the contact with the water and clung more to Jaehyun's body, revealing his abs incredibly. Taeyong could no longer deny having an unbelievable crush on the younger one. At first he had tried to convince himself that Jaehyun was only a good friend but slowly he realized, that he liked Jaehyun much more than that. Again and again he caught himself staring at the other one. Sighing, since he had done it again, Taeyong lowered his gaze frustratedly to the floor in front of him and pulled his hair desperate. It couldn't go on like this anymore. His crush on Jaehyun completely took away his control and concentration. 

Even today during the shooting, he made a lot of mistakes, because he felt distracted by the presence of the other person. When Jaehyun was around, his body just went crazy. His heart was beating very fast, his cheeks turned red and he had to be careful not to stutter every time Jaehyun talked to him. Taeyong already had feelings for the younger one for quite a long time, but he never admitted this to himself. His feelings towards Jaehyun grew day by day and he felt, that he couldn't control them anymore. Every day he had to be careful not to expose himself. Jae and he were close friends and he didn't wanted to risk this friendship. But slowly he didn't know what to do anymore. Normally he would always go to Jaehyun or Johnny in the first place with problems he couldn't solve on his own, but both options didn't come up in this case. Johnny was Jaehyun's best friend and therefore would not be able to keep Taeyong's secret for long. 

When a shadow appeared above him, he raised his eyes slightly from the ground to look directly into Jaehyun's face. He held out a full bottle of water to him.   
"You should drink more Taeyong-Hyung."   
Taeyong's cheeks immediately turned red as he quietly accepted the bottle with thanks. He tried to keep his eyes away from the other one, after all his shirt was still transparent and Taeyong didn't want to stare again. Jaehyun let himself slide to them on the floor and was directly drawn into a conversation between Haechan and Taeil. Taeyong himself tried to get his face color as well as his heartbeat under control again while he focused on the water in his hands. Jaehyun had brought him water. Taeyong hated himself for this small gesture that immediately gave him hope. Probably, he just looked completely exhausted and Jaehyun, like all the others, did not want their leader to collapse and thats why he gave him the water. Sighing, Taeyong shook his head to get rid of the thoughts and took a few sips of water.

That same night, Taeyong woke up covered in sweat again. That same night, Taeyong woke up in a sweat again. But not this time, because of the heat. He had another nightmare in which Jaehyun hated him. Taeyong often had nightmares like that. But this one was different. Normally, he always dreamed that Jaehyun would hate him as soon as he learned about his feelings, but this time it was completely different. In his dream, Jaehyun hated him for not telling about his feelings and keeping it from him for months. Taeyong's heart beat against his chest and his loose shirt stuck to his wet back. He shakily brushed the sweaty hair out of his face and tried to control his breathing, but it only got more panicky. This time his dream felt much more realistic than ever before and before he could prevent it, he jumped out of his bed and left the hotel room. With watery eyes and hands trembling with panic, he walked down the hotel corridor to Jaehyun's room. Both Jaehyun and Taeyong had been given a single room, and when Taeyong knocked at the door in panic, Jaehyun opened it with a confused and tired expression. When he saw Taeyong in this state, he immediately pulled the elder one into his room, concerned.

"Hyung, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." Jaehyun looked worriedly at his leader while Taeyong threw himself into his arms and clung to him as if his life depended on it.

"p..please don't hate me." Taeyong had completely lost control over himself and could neither think nor prevent his next words and actions.

"Why should I hate you?" Jaehyun was incredibly confused and slowly loosened Taeyong's grip to be able to look at the older but also smaller one. Taeyong's first tears ran down his cheeks. Normally he would hate himself for showing this weakness in front of Jaehyun, especially since he is supposed to be strong as leader and Hyung, but the dream had shocked him too much to think clearly. Jaehyun's expression immediately became even more worried. He had never seen Taeyong like this before. Taeyong buried his face in his hands. "i..I'm so sorry." He breathed in shakily and wiped the backs of his hands over his wet eyes before looking at Jaehyun. "I have fallen in love with you." As soon as he pronounced the words, he understood what he was actually saying and let himself fall on his knees. It was out. Jaehyun knew. Taeyong knew he would hate him now. Jaehyun reacted to Taeyong's surprise completely different than expected. He knelt down to him and took his hands off his face. Even before Taeyong could react, Jaehyun's lips were on his. Taeyong's heart immediately did tumbles and his whole body was tingling.  
  


Even now, four months later, Taeyong's body still reacted to Jaehyun's closeness in the same way as before. Cuddled up against Jaehyun, he lay on Taemin's sofa and let his boyfriend gently stroke his hair. They had spent all evening planning how they would proceed before Taemin offered Jaehyun to stay the night as well. They were all scattered around the living room watching a movie and trying to process and distract themselves from the news Jaehyun had given them. Although Taeyong was shocked and blown away by the news, he was still happy for a short moment to be hold in the arms of his boyfriend again. With Jaehyun at his side he felt stronger, braver and definitely more self-confident and he knew that from now on he could always rely on him. Jaehyun would never leave him alone again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!  
> a completely different kind of chapter. I thought that the story needs some nice and positive moments as well as more Jaeyong moments.   
> I hope you enjoy the chapter ♥  
> Happy Easter! Fighting!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crushed by anxiety  
> My heart that has become like ash Keep fallin’ down down  
> I’m starting to feel trapped  
> _______________

In Jaehyun's arms Taeyong slept incredibly well every time. This was also the case that night, which made him feel better and more rested in the morning. Jaehyun was still sleeping and Taeyong used this moment to watch his beloved one a little bit. He had always liked to watch Jaehyun sleeping. The younger one's face seemed to be completely relaxed in his sleep and seemed incredibly smooth. His lips were always open a little bit and his hair hung down tousled in his forehead. Overall, Jaehyun looked simply stunning. Smiling, Taeyong snuggled up to him more and closed his eyes again, hoping to get some more sleep.

When he woke up again a few hours later, the delicious smell of pancakes greeted him directly. Jaehyun next to him had also disappeared. Overslept, Taeyong rubbed his eyes and sat up before following the tempting smell of pancakes into the kitchen. Taemin sat at the table with a tired look while Jaehyun and Baekhyun stood at the counter preparing pancakes.

"Good morning." Smiling slightly, Taeyong greeted the others and entered the kitchen. "Smells good in here."  
Taemin returned his smile immediately. "Great, you're up. Let's eat now."  
Baekhyun turned to the table, laughing. "Don't worry Taemin, the pancakes will be ready in a minute."  
Jaehyun also laughed slightly and pulled his boyfriend into his arms.

"Good morning baby."  
Automatically Taeyong's cheeks turned rose-coloured when Jaehyun called him 'baby' after a long time and in front of the others. But Baekhyun and Taemin only watched them smiling, relieved to see Taeyong smiling again after a long time. Jaehyun didn't seem to be bothered by the presence of the others as he just pulled him closer and buried his face in his hair. Taeyong immediately became comfortable and he nestled himself against the other's muscular chest and enjoyed his closeness for a moment.   
God he had missed him so much.  
He buried his face on his chest and gently absorbed his scent. Jaehyun smelled a little bit of peach as always and he loved this feature of him totally.

"I hate to disturb you, but Taemin will kill you if we don't start eating." Laughing, Baekhyun walked past the two of them with a plate full of pancakes. Jaehyun and Taeyong separated laughing. Jaehyun gently pressed his lips to his boyfriend's forehead one last time before they both sat down at the table and ate the incredibly delicious pancakes.

"What is our exact plan right now?" Taemin cut his pancake into small pieces and looked at the others.  
Jaehyun cleared his throat slightly. "I'll try to talk to Johnny. He will listen to me. With Johnny, Lei loses his closest ally and others like Taeil and Yuta would follow Johnny immediately." Everybody nodded enthusiastically about the plan. "And if Lei still can't be stopped, we'll try plan B." Again everyone nodded and Jaehyun turned to Taemin. "And you're sure Jimin would help us?"  
Taemin nodded immediately. "Yes, definitely. I've known Jimin for quite a long time now and can't imagine that he would agree to blackmail someone. He'll definitely listen to me."  
Baekhyun clapped his hands. "Good, then the plan is set. I'll do some online research and see what I can find on Lei."

And so their plan was set and less than two hours later both Taeyong and Jaehyun were at the front door of the NCt 127 Dorm. Taeyong suddenly felt uncomfortable with the thought of returning to the dorm. At his senior's place he had definitely felt more comfortable and above all more wanted.

"Ready?" Jaehyun looked at him slightly worried and gently squeezed his hand. Taeyong took one last deep breath before nodding and Jaehyun unlocked the door and both entered the apartment. In the apartment the two welcomed a pleasant calm, which made Taeyong sigh with relief. Jaehyun released his hand from Taeyong's and smiled gently at him. "I'm looking for Johnny, you go pack your clothes."

Taeyong nodded. Taemin had made him an offer this morning to stay with him for a while and he had accepted it gladly. Jaehyun smiled at him one last time before he went looking for his best friend and left Taeyong alone in the hall. Taeyong looked around the empty hallway for a short time before he made his way to his room. He still couldn't believe how far it had come. He sighed and grabbed one of his travel bags and stuffed it with clothes. He hoped very much that Jaehyun would be able to convince Johnny. Sighing again, Taeyong let himself fall on his bed and closed his eyes. He just wanted everything to get back to normal.

He stayed in his room for a while before he grabbed his bag and ran to Jaehyun's room. He tried to be as quiet as possible so as not to draw attention to himself and luckily he managed to do so quite well. Arriving at Jaehyun's room, he immediately took out his favorite sweater of the younger one and stuffed it into his bag as well. If Jaehyun could not be with him overnight, he at least wanted to wear his sweater. He smiled slightly before he shouldered the bag and left the room again and went downstairs to wait for Jaehyun.

" _Hyung_?"

On the way downstairs, Jungwoo's soft voice suddenly sounded behind him and he turned around in surprise. Jungwoo's gaze changed from him to his bag and back to him, before his eyes widened.   
"You will come back, won't you?" Uncomfortably Jungwoo bit his lip and looked at his ex-leader.

Taeyong didn't know what to say. Of course, he wanted to come back, but not as long as Lei was still planning his revenge against him. Jungwoo rushed towards his Hyung.  
"Please, you must come back! The mood here is just strange and nothing is the same anymore. Everything is changing."

Taeyong sighed slightly. "Don't worry Jungwoo, I won't be gone too long, I promise. I just can't stay here after everything that happened."  
With a sad expression on his face, the younger one looked down at the floor. Taeyong remembered that Jungwoo had voted against Lei's appointment as the new leader, so he did not hesitate and pulled the younger one gently into his arms   
"Hey, don't worry. Jaehyun and I are already working on fixing things."  
Jungwoo looked at him.   
"Jaehyun and you? Does that mean you're back together?"  
Immediately he blushed a little and nodded, making Jungwoo smile, but before he could reply, a door flew shut at the top of the stairs and both of them flinched briefly, turning to the stairs where Jaehyun came down not a second later. And he did not look very happy at all. Not at all.  
Jaehyun approached the two and took Taeyong's bag.   
"Come on, let's get out of here."  
Confused, Taeyong tilted his head slightly and looked at his boyfriend.   
Jungwoo also looked at him confused.

"Yes, go away Jaehyun! It's what you' re best at anyway!"   
Johnny's voice sounded from the stairs and they all looked back in that direction. A rather angry-looking Johnny stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked at Jaehyun with his arms crossed over his chest. Jaehyun hissed slightly and pulled Taeyong to the door. He followed his boyfriend confusedly.  
"I never thought you would choose _him_ over me but you know what, crawl back to him. I'm done with you."  
Furiously Johnny yelled after them and with a last apologetic look at Jungwoo Taeyong let Jaehyun pull him out of the apartment.

Taeyong immediately realized that Jaehyun was angry and put a hand on his shoulder as soon as they arrived outside. He dared not to ask what had happened. But one thing was for sure, the conversation was anything but positive and they would most likely have to use Taemin's _Plan b._


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a trembling moment, get your dreams.  
> If you can feel it, reach out.  
> I can. I measure with a tremor in my heart,  
> with full of excitement.  
> We gone lit up.  
> _______________

On the way back to Taemins apartment there was an uncomfortable silence in the car. Jaehyun had gripped the steering wheel quite tightly as his ankles came out white and still seemed incredibly angry. Taeyong didn't know what to say. He didn't want to upset his boyfriend even more. Uncomfortably, Taeyong bit his lip. Of course, he could imagine that Johnny wasn't on their side, but he still wanted to know what just happened. Taeyong had never seen Jaehyun as angry as he was right now, and this scared him a lot. Jaehyun was not someone who got angry quickly, so his fight with Johnny must have been really extreme. Even when they arrived at Taemin's apartment, Jaehyun left the car without another word. Sighing, Taeyong followed him and unsteadily grabbed the other's hand, also fearing that the other would only pull his away. But Jaehyun found the gesture a bit too relaxing and interlocked their fingers before he pressed the bell. It was not long before Taemin opened the door for them. Taemin also seemed to realize immediately that their plan had failed, so he decided to call Baekhyun for another crisis meeting.

While they waited for Baekhyun, Taeyong followed by Jaehyun, brought his things to one of Taemin's guest rooms.Uneasy, he put down his luggage and turned to his friend. He still looked angry and disappointed. Taeyong looked at him for a moment, played restlessly with his slightly shaking hands and tried to find the right words. He felt incredibly bad. He did not want Jaehyun to fight with Johnny because of him. After all, they were best friends. He didn't want that to change just because he had a fight with Lei. He didn't want Jaehyun to lose his best friend because of him.

" _Jae_?"   
Uneasy, he bit his lip and looked at his friend.   
"I..I'm sorry, this is all completely my fault. It never meant to put me between you and Johnny. I'm sorry."   
Confused, Jaehyun raised an eyebrow while listening to his boyfriend. He couldn't believe Taeyong was blaming himself.   
"Tae--"  
But Taeyong wouldn't let him speak.   
"I am really sorry, and I won't be angry with you if you go back to Johnny. I never meant to ruin your friendship."   
Frustrated, he rubbed his face.   
"Johnny is your best friend and I ruined it. I never wanted anyone to fight about me. This is all my fight. I have to face it alone. It's the only way I can do as little damage as possible."   
Shakily he inhaled while Jaehyun tried again to interrupt Taeyong. But he tried in vain.

"It's all my fault. Lei would have behaved very differently towards me if I had treated him differently back then. I have to blame myself for all this and, God yes, of course I deserve it all. After everything I have done, I definitely deserve to be hated by him and yes, he is right, I am pathetic. Incredibly pathetic actually. I'm the reason you're losing your best friend. I-I..."

Jaehyun could not listen to this any further. With a quick movement he pulled the smaller one to himself, grasped his face with his hands and looked deeply and intensely into his eyes.

"Listen to me Taeyong."

With big eyes he returned his look.

"Never say you're pathetic, do you hear? This is definitely not your fault. Lei is the one who's ruining everything, not you. It's not your fault at all. Tae, I love you. I'd never leave you alone in this fight. You're definitely not pathetic. Whoever told you that is the stupidest person ever, because I've never met anyone who cares as much about others as you do. You are incredibly loving and adorable. You are an inspiration and motivation for so many Tae. Please, don't ever speak bad of yourself again. You always manage to put a smile on my face. My heart beats three times faster every time you are near me and the butterflies in my stomach are tumbling. In my eyes you are just perfect. There's no one who can charm me as much as you do. Johnny is stupid if he keeps taking Leis' side. He's too much manipulated that he can't see what's real and what Lei's lies are. Lei has him completely wrapped around his finger that even I, as his best friend can't convince him anymore. But all this is not your fault Baby. Please promise me to never speak bad about yourseolf again."

During Jaehyun's speech, Taeyong's eyes became more and more tearful before the tears slowly began to run down his cheeks. Jaehyun's words triggered so many emotions in him.

"I..I promise."

He wrapped his arms around Jaehyuns neck and united their lips. Jaehyun always managed to find the right words for every situation and to calm the people around him. Jaehyun immediately returned the kiss and pulled the elder tightly into his arms. It worried him very much that Lei managed to take away Taeyong's self-confidence and self-esteem. Jaehyun separated from him and gently wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"I love you. I hope you'll never forget this, Tae"

Sobbing, Taeyong wiped his teary eyes.

"I love you too."

Smiling slightly, Jaehyun stroked his cheek while the doorbell rang in the background. Baekhyun had probably arrived. Jaehyun gently grabbed Taeyong's hand. "Let's go downstairs to the other two." Taeyong nodded slightly, rubbed his eyes once more and then followed Jaehyun downstairs.

_________

"So"  
Baekhyun glanced at everyone in turn. They had all gathered again in the living room to discuss the situation.   
"So since plan A definitely failed, let's move on to plan B"  
Taemin breathed in frustration. "I'll call Jimin directly and ask him to come over."  
Taeyong bit his lip uncomfortably. He still didn't feel comfortable involving more people.   
The others nodded approvingly though, which made Taemin pull out his mobile phone and leave the room. Sighing, Baekhyun leaned back on the armchair. "I don't understand why Johnny didn't listen to you properly for once."   
Jaehyun shrugged. "Lei seems to have manipulated him too much. I just had to mention that Tae and I are together again and he just started boiling with rage."   
Baekhyun shook his head incredibly.   
"I just don't understand why you'd believe someone you knew much less than you. Lei is the new one and yet he trusts him more? It's incredible."

Jaehyun nodded in agreement immediately. Taeyong himself had asked himself this question again and again. It didn't make sense for him either that Johnny stood up against him, although they had known each other for so long. Johnny was one of the first people he got to know as a trainee.  
It hurt him that their close friendship broke up because of something like that and Johnny now seemed to hate him from the bottom of his heart. He had always thought that they had all grown closer over the years, that they had all grown into a family.   
Whil he was deep in his thoughts, Taemin entered the living room again and let himself fall on the sofa beside them. "Jimin said he would try to come over tomorrow. Cross your fingers that plan B will work."

_"It has to work, otherwise I don't know what to do anymore..."_


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While seeing you like that  
> I'm smiling outside  
> But actually, I'm not fine  
> I'm afraid that this will all end suddenly someday  
> __________________________

Jimin indeed kept his promise and came over the next morning. He looked quite confused when he spotted the other 3 in Taemin's living room and, after a greeting, sat down with them. Taeyong sat next to Jaehyun, who had been with him all night, trying to hide his nervousness. He hoped so much that Jimin would listen to them and even help them in the end. If not, he really didn't know what to do anymore.

While Taemin handed out the coffee, Baekhyun cleared his throat and looked at Jimin with a slight smile. He had decided to explain everything to Jimin. Baekhyun himself didn't know exactly why but he felt responsible for Taeyong and wanted to protect him. Maybe it was because he is the leader of SuperM or maybe it was just because he is older. One thing was certain for him in any case. Taeyong meant an incredible amount to him and he didn't want to see him suffer any longer. He couldn't understand why anyone wanted to hurt him so much. In his opinion Taeyong was the epitome of loving, faithful and innocent. He had never met anyone who was as kind as Taeyong is and he just didn't want to think why someone was trying to ruin this person.

"We really need your help, Jimin. We're pretty desperate."  
Confused, the younger one raised an eyebrow and looked at Baekhyun, waiting.  
"You probably remember Lei. He was a rookie at BigHit recently and switched to SM and NCT a few months ago."  
Jimin nodded slightly. "Of course I remember. He came crying to us the other day. Told some exciting things."  
Taeyong immediately felt all the colors fade from his face. Of course Lei had told them all his lies. Uncomfortable by Jimin's statement he bit his lip and clung lightly to his own sweater. Jimin looked over at him for a moment, mustered him before he looked at Baekhyun again.

But this time it was Jaehyun who spoke. "Nothing Lei said was true."

He leaned forward slightly and looked intensively at the older one. "Lei has been trying to drive a wedge between the band and Taeyong since he joined us. He invents endless lies and tries to set us against each other And unfortunately it worked, which is why we're sitting here now and need your help."

"Did you hear about Li's plan?" Taemin turned directly to Jimin who shook his head slightly.

"He came by a few days ago. He was totally upset and was crying. He told us the most unbelievable things about Taeyong-Hyung and NCT. At some point I left the room, because Lei and I aren't really friends and I didn't want to intrude further into his privacy."

Taemin nodded slightly and looked at Baekhyun, who took over again.  
"Jaehyun just found out that Lei is planning something terrible with the help of your band mates." Surprised, Jimin raised an eyebrow.  
"I guess they plan to upload a video against Taeyong in which they publish everything Lei told them about Taeyong."  
Surprised, Jimin opened his eyes. "Wait, we would never blackmail anybody."  
"Johnny said Lei had talked with, sorry I only know your stage names, Suga and RM already and cleared everything up and they would definitely support him and even recorded the video." Jaehyun looked at Jimin.

"I don't know about that. But I can't imagine Yoongi or Namjoon would make a video like this. No way."  
Jaehyun buzzed slightly. "Then you don't seem to know your friends well enough."  
"Sorry..what?" With a colder look Jimin turned to Jaehyun and looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.  
Before Jaehyun could reply, Taeyong quickly interfered and turned to the boy who was only a few months younger than him.

"Jimin, I'm sorry to ask you this, but could you find out if your band really wants to release this video about me? I'm pretty desperate and I don't know who else to turn to."  
Jimin's eyes turned to him and he nodded slowly. "Yes I can do that but I can assure you that Lei must have lied to you. My boys would never do that, especially not without knowing exactly what's true and what's not."

Taeyong immediately smiled at him. "Thank you so much and I'm incredibly sorry that Lei and my fight had to involve your band. I never wanted any of this. I'm so sorry."  
Jimin gave him a small smile which immediately relieved Taeyong.  
"Don't worry. I will talk to everyone but I am still sure it's all just a big misunderstanding. We would never blackmail anyone."  
He bit his lip briefly before looking at Taeyong shyly."May I ask what exactly Lei did? He always seemed like a decent rookie to me."  
Uncomfortably Taeyong played lightly with his fingers before he slowly began to tell everything. He wanted to trust Jimin, after all, he asked for his help.

He told him about how unfriendly Lei had behaved, how he spread new rumors about him over and over again, how everyone started to oppose him and how he lost his role as leader in the end.

Every now and then the others threw in some objections of rumors they had heard as well because Lei already distributed them everywhere. When Baekhyun then also mentioned that Lei had beaten him up, not only Jimin opened his eyes in shock but also Jaehyun. Taeyong hadn't told him about it yet - after all, it had been the same day as their breakup. The younger one strained immediately and automatically put his arms protectively around Taeyong's waist. It didn't seem to matter to him that this reaction on his part could seem strange to Jimin, at least he didn't know anything about their relationship.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Unsure, Taeyong looked at his boyfriend.  
"I wanted to tell you but the next moment there was a rumor about that kiss photo and my only thought was to convince you of the truth."  
Jaehyun pulled the older one close and wrapped his arms tightly around his thin body. "I won't let Lei hurt you again."

Jimin promised them to talk directly to his band colleagues and then get in touch with them again. Taeyong hoped very much that it was all just a big misunderstanding and BTS really didn't plan to post a video about him.  
However, because BTS had a busy and stressful schedule, there was still no response from Jimin even after 6 days and as NCT 127 were about to make their comeback, both Jaehyun and Taeyong had to slowly move back into the NCT Dorm. Taeyong was not at all happy to move back into Lei's nearness, but there was nothing he could do about it. Taemin and Baekhyun both promised him that he could come back to them immediately whenever he wanted. Baekhyun even said that he would love to take him to the EXO Dorm.

Taeyong was incredibly happy to have Hyungs like Baekhyun and Taemin. He had never felt as safe as he did with them and he is incredibly grateful for everything.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For you I am naked  
> There's nothing to hide inside the dark  
> My ego is wasted, as I let you open up my heart  
> ___________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me so long to update.
> 
> However, someone in my family died and that really threw me off track. For the last 2 weeks I have not been feeling well at all. My schedule was also full of funeral preparations from morning till evening.
> 
> Also, my work place has opened again regularly, which means that I don't have much time to write anymore.
> 
> i will still try to update weekly, but i can't promise to always be able to do so. 

Since the two wanted to avoid any confrontation or encounter with their members, they did not return to the dorm until the middle of the night and quietly crept across the hall to Taeyong's room. Once in the room, they immediately closed the door behind them in relief and relaxed a little. Both were not happy at all to be back in the dorm and in the same building as Lei. After Jaehyun had found out, that Lei was violent towards Taeyong, he had to hold back not to kill him immediately. He still couldn't believe that Lei had hurt Taeyong and that he couldn't even help him because ,he himself was too blinded by Lei's lies.

Jaehyun sighed and fell on the bed next to Taeyong. The older one had already made himself comfortable, yawned tiredly and immediately snuggled up against the other one's body as soon as he lay beside him. Taeyong closed his eyes and enjoyed Jaehyun's closeness. He too felt quite uncomfortable about being in the dorm again. Not as he was afraid of Lei but because he couldn't bear the hated attitude of the others towards him. He loved the boys. NCT was his family and he felt incredibly bad that it broke apart just because of him.

Jaehyun as well as his Hyungs told him again and again that Lei was to blame for everything, but Taeyong just couldn't suppress his feelings of guilt. If he hadn't treated Lei badly back then, it wouldn't have come so far today. Anyway, he kept telling himself that. Jaehyun slowly began to stroke his hair lightly and gently, which only made him more tired and made him cuddle up more to his boyfriend. Jaehyun smiled slightly and gently kissed Taeyong's forehead.  
"Try to get some sleep baby."

Although he was back in the dorm and thus close to Lei, Taeyong managed to fall asleep quite fast. Perhaps it was Jaehyun's presence that made him feel safe and secure. He always felt comfortable in Jaehyun's arms.   
Jaehyun was his anchor. He always made Taeyong feel safe. Jaehyun was the first to whom Taeyong had told years ago about his school days and his mistakes. Jaehyun had been there for him from the beginning and had never condemned him. Again and again when Taeyong lay awake at night because his feelings of guilt threatened to drown him, Jaehyun had been there for him, had taken care of him and managed to make him smile again. 

By Jaehyun's presence Taeyong managed to sleep through the night without having nightmares and felt fit enough to start the new day in a good mood. However, his mood worsened when he saw that the side of the bed next to him was empty. On the pillow there was a note written in Jaehyun's beautiful handwriting saying that he was already in the studio for the first recording session. They were still recording the last songs and rehearsing choreographies for their new comeback. Their first comeback with Lei. Sighing Taeyong let himself fall back into his pillow. He was absolutely not willing to face Lei again. But as a band this could not be avoided. To avoid Lei as much as possible, Taeyong stayed in his room for the morning before he had to go to the studio. However, one hour before he was picked up he sneaked into the bathroom to take a shower. On the way to the bathroom he met Yuta, who raised an eyebrow in surprise when he saw him.  
"You are back."  
In response, Taeyong just nodded. He didn't know how Yuta reacted to him. But before he could answer him, Johnny entered the hall and hissed slightly at the sight of him.   
"Taeyong."   
Taeyong bit his lip uncomfortably. In Johnny's presence he once felt comfortable, but today he already got a bad feeling in his stomach as soon as he saw him. Johnny crossed his arms in front of his chest and let his gaze glide over his former leader for a short time before he hissed slightly. "I don't understand how you managed to convince Jaehyun of your lies. Again" 

Taeyong swallowed slightly and raised his eyes to look at Johnny. "Maybe it's because I don't tell lies." He looked at Johnny and tried to resist his gaze.   
Johnny's eyes were slit before he snapped spitefully.   
"Stop telling us your lies Taeyong. We finally know your real character and know that you are definitely not innocent. So stop playing innocent!" 

This time it was Taeyong who was annoyed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.   
"I find it really funny how you trust someone you haven't known for nearly as long as you've known me. But it's good to know what _your_ real character is like."   
Taeyong's voice sounded pretty hissing and he was proud of himself for being so brave to stand up against Johnny. When Johnny didn't respond to this, Taeyong turned around and continued his way to the bathroom. 

Surprised Taeyong gasped as Johnny grabbed him roughly by his arm and pressed him against the bathroom door, the door handle digging painfully into his back. 

"Let me tell you something, Taeyong." Johnny's face was inches away from Taeyong's ear. "If you hurt Jaehyun even once, you'll wish you'd never met me."

Speechless and with eyes wide open in shock and fear, Taeyong looked up at Johnny, who looked at him rather angry. His gaze immediately caused unpleasant goose bumps on Taeyong's skin that ran all over his body. But since Taeyong was too shocked to react, Johnny just pressed him more strongly against the door and the doorknob bored itself the deeper into his skin. Slightly painful Taeyong hissed and tried to free himself from Johnny's firm grip. But Johnny was much stronger than him and Taeyong had no chance to break away. Only when Yuta interfered and reminded Johnny that they had to go to the studio right away, the older one let go of him. He glared at him angrily once more before he followed Yuta and left the hall. 

Shocked, Taeyong immediately disappeared into the bathroom, locked the door behind him and let himself slide down on it. His heart was beating like crazy while his back was hurting quite a bit. He still couldn't believe that Johnny hated him that much. As his back was incredibly burning, he pulled himself up after several seconds, if not minutes, and took off his shirt. He twisted slightly in front of the mirror and hissed when he saw the bruise on his back. At one point it even bled a little bit and Taeyong became aware that Johnny is not for nothing one of the strongest NCT members. Still slightly shaky and especially shocked, Taeyong took off the rest of his clothes and jumped into the shower.  
  


________________________


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I became a zombie  
> Not alive but I’m still walkin’  
> When the sunrise is upon me  
> I’ll be waitin’ for the day to pass by  
> Oh why  
> _______________

A few days later the mark on his back had turned into a thick bruise, which Jaehyun had noticed too. But since Taeyong didn't want to worry him any more and Johnny was Jaehyuns best friend after all, he told him that he had fallen down during the choreography training and Jaehyun fortunately believed him. After all, it was nothing new that the older one injured himself during training.The few days the two were back in the dorm there was still no response from Jimin and Taeyong slowly began to give up hope. Probably he had turned his back on him as well and now he believed Lei's lies, just like his band members. The atmosphere in the dorm also remained icy. Either Taeyong was completely ignored or punished with hateful looks. Only towards Jaehyun, all except Johnny and Lei behaved normally.

Because of the icy and hateful looks, the constant arguments between Johnny and Jaehyun and the insults from Lei, Taeyong was getting worse day by day. Since NCT 127 were in the middle of their comeback preparations and Jaehyun often had different schedules than Taeyong, they were often separated from each other. Alone, Taeyong felt even worse than before, especially because Lei wouldn't stop picking on him and making him feel bad.

Because of this whole situation Taeyong's head is full of thoughts, which made him way too unfocused during his last choreography training with Lei, Yuta, Jungwoo and Mark, and therefore he made a lot of mistakes. Lei immediately started to screw him up over every little thing, before Taeyong's already cracked self-confidence and self-esteem completely disappeared.Every one of Lei's words hit him like a knife and more and more thoughts, like if he was good enough at all, came into his mind again.   
Jungwoo, who was also in the studio, didn't like Lei's statements at all and to Taeyong's surprise he confronted Lei. He had put his arms into his hips, before he scolded Lei for bullying Taeyong like this. Lei as well as all the others in the room were clearly surprised by Jungwoo's little outburst, since he belonged to one of shy members after all. Jungwoo, on the other hand, just stared annoyed at Lei one more time before he grabbed Taeyong's arm and pulled him out of the studio to the next best Starbucks.

Jungwoo was the only one besides Jaehyun, who didn't feel any hatred against him. The younger one didn't understand the whole situation himself, but it was clear to him that NCT needed Taeyong, that he needed him and most of all missed him.   
The whole situation made him feel quite down and he felt quite torn as well, as the others didn't want him to spend time with his former leader. For Jungwoo Taeyong was still the leader. He didn't want this to change at all. Most of all he didn't want Lei to take over his position. Lei frightened him and gave him an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, since the older one is new in the band, everything seemed to go downhill. 

Jungwoo couldn't help but blame the new member for this. Therefore, he didn't wanted to stay away from Taeyong at all.With her spontaneous visit at Starbucks, Jungwoo tried to cheer up his clearly recognizable sad leader and even managed to do so a little bit. They spent the whole morning together and even decided to do a VLIVE stream together in the evening, which Taeyong immediately announced enthusiastically on his Bubble.

Taeyong loved streaming. He enjoyed talking to his fans and spending a few relaxed hours together. Accordingly he was looking forward to the evening with Jungwoo. While Jungwoo had to go back to the studio, Taeyong went back to the dorm to prepare everything for the stream. He was in the middle of the preparations when Jaehyun returned from the studio and quietly entered the room. Since Taeyong was so busy cleaning up, he didn't notice the other one. Taeyong has always had this obsession for cleanliness and especially for streams he wanted to show his room in a very tidy way. Since he didn't notice Jaehyun, he automatically flinched slightly when he suddenly hugged him from behind. But Taeyong relaxed immediately when he recognized Jaehyun and leaned into his hug. Jaehyun blew soft kisses on the neck of his boyfriend and pulled him more towards him.

"What are you cleaning up for?"

Jaehyun's breath met Taeyong's skin and his skin immediately reacted with a pleasant goose bump. Grinning, the older one turned in his friend's arms and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Jungwoo and I plan to stream a little tonight."  
"What time is tonight?" Jaehyun's hands gently held Taeyong.  
When he asked, Taeyong looked at him slightly confused.  
"Jungwoo is in the studio until 8 pm, why are you asking?"  
A smile immediately formed on Jaehyun's lips and he bent down slightly to unite their lips. Taeyong returned the kiss immediately, still a bit confused about the question. Jaehyun gently stroked Taeyong's thighs with his hands.

" _Then we still have a few hours for ourselves."_

Taeyong immediately knew what Jaehyun was trying to do and his heart was beating faster than usual. Jaehyun smiled slightly and rejoined her lips together. This time the kiss was wild and passionate from the beginning, while their hands explored each other's bodies.

As they kissed, Jaehyun led them both slowly toward the bed until Taeyong's knees reached the edge of the bed and he fell backwards onto the mattress. Without separating, Jaehyun crawled over him. His hands were no longer on Taeyong's back but found their way to his belly and stroked the contours of his abdominal muscles. Taeyong hummed contentedly into the kiss while his fingers lightly clenched into Jaehyun's hair. Jaehyun's fingers kept on moving until the tight fabric of Taeyong's shirt did not allow this any more, so he quickly removed his shirt. Her lips separated and instead of kissing him, Jaehyun put his lips gently on Taeyong's neck and began to give small kisses. Smiling, Jaehyun felt the boy beneath him getting goose bumps and stopped for a moment to mark him with a hickey. Everyone should see that he belonged to him. Taeyong took his hands out of Jaehyun's hair and began to play on the hem of Jaehyun's shirt while he sighed slightly. 

Grinning, Jaehyun let him take off his shirt and watch briefly as the older one gazed at his body. It was no secret that Jaehyun had a pretty well-trained body, but he had never really been willing to show it to the fans because it only belonged to his boyfriend.

Taeyong lightly stroked Jaehyuns trained chest, while he looked at him with eyes slightly darkened with pleasure. Jaehyun pressed his lips back onto Taeyong's and the latter replied immediately before Jaehyun's lips moved from Taeyong's lips back to his neck where he again placed small marks. Jaehyun kissed Taeyong's skin, starting at his cheekbones and going down his neck to his collarbone before moving his lips to his upper body and covering it with small kisses. Taeyong's fingers immediately moved into Jaehyuns hair and gripped it tighter and tighter as Jaehyun kissed down.More and more Jaehyun spread kisses all over his upper body and spread hickeys before he reached Taeyong's waistband and stopped. He looked up at him slightly. Taeyong lay there with his eyes closed and seemed to enjoy every touch of his lover. Jaehyun smiled slightly at the sight and connected their lips again. Taeyong immediately replied again while his hands moved down Jaehyun's body and brushed the pants off his legs.

Jaehyun parted from Taeyong's lips again, causing his friend to hum and kiss his upper body again down to his strong V line. Taeyong wriggled slightly below him as Jaehyun kissed further down and now caressed his skin on his thighs, while sweet, comforting sounds slowly left Taeyong's lips, driving Jaehyun insane. Jaehyun felt Taeyong's heartbeat quickening, his breath becoming more and more pounding and his sounds more and more panting and gasping. His fingers lay on Jaehyun's shoulder, alternating between clawing into his skin and gently stroking it. 

Punctually at 8 pm Taeyong was sitting at his desk next to Jungwoo, freshly showered, waving cheerfully and cheerfully into the camera. On the way to the dorm Jungwoo had brought some food with him, which they ate in front of the camera, talked to their fans and did a lot of stupid stuff.

It was about 10 pm when Jungwoo left the room and decided to go to bed and Taeyong stretched from his long sitting when Jaehyun burst into the room.  
  


_"Taeyong. Jimin finally contacted us. It doesn't look good at all!"_


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cold voices I don't wanna listen anymore  
> Even if I close my ears  
> It's no use, the staring eyes are blocking my way  
> I can't see a thing  
> ___________________

After several weeks of hard work, the time had finally come and NCT 127's first comeback with Lei as a new member was only a few days away and although Taeyong was already much more stressed than usual, due to the many appointments, he still stayed in the studio every day. He simply didn't want to go back to the dorm, back to the others and therefore preferred to spend his time perfecting the choreographies and repeating them over and over again. He worked so hard that he almost forgot how bad he actually felt. In reality, he knew that he was only suppressing his emotions because he was working so much, and sooner or later this would become visible. He stayed in the studio almost every night and only came back to the dorm early in the morning to get at least another 2 or 3 hours sleep.

He knew that BTS could release the video about him at any time and the only thing that distracted him from his constant worry was work. His SuperM Hyungs as well as Jaehyun promised him to do everything possible to stop BTS from releasing the video, but Taeyong already lost hope. If BTS didn't even listen to their own band members, they wouldn't listen to his friends. Jimin had kept his promise and approached his bandmates and was incredibly shocked when they confirmed the accusations. Jimin had tried for a whole week to convince his friends and band members of the truth, but they too were manipulated by Lei. Even after begging his leader, he didn't change his mind, only Jungkook didn't know how to assess the situation and preferred to stay out of it completely.

This news hit Taeyong pretty hard. He had always looked up to the BTS Hyungs, seeing them as role models. He had never done anything they could hate him for and yet they had conspired against him. To say that this caused Taeyong anxiety would be a understatement.Taeyong was panicked. He was terrified that Lei had told more bands lies about him and made him look bad. Especially now with the upcoming comeback, Taeyong felt more and more panic coming up in him. He was afraid of performing and appearing at music shows where other bands were present. He didn't know how widespread Lei's lies were. Taeyong kept his feelings, his fear for himself. He didn't wanted to worry his Hyungs and Jaehyun any more and he also tried to avoid the other members of his band. He was careful and tried not to be in the same room as everyone else, that they didn't have to interact with them. Of course, he rarely succeeded, because they all had to work together for their comeback.

The only positive thing that had happened recently, were Mark and Jungwoo. Because both guys had taken Taeyong's side. Jungwoo, because Lei seemed creepy and strange to him anyway, and Mark after Baekhyun had spoken a serious word with him and literally threw the truth in his face. Mark has been split in two ever since. He believed Taeyong, but he didn't want to distance himself from the other band members. Since the others had found out that Jungwoo is close with Taeyong again, they excluded him a little bit, which made Jungwoo quite sad and automatically increased the feelings of guilt in Taeyong. Nevertheless, Mark promised the boys that he would try to talk to Haechan. After all, Haechan was his best friend and would listen to him somehow. But Mark had always been too insecure to talk to Haechan about this.

All the stress made Taeyong quite exhausted and the first thing he noticed was that he was losing more and more weight. Jaehyun also noticed this and tried everything to get his friend to eat and to distract him from the stress, but Jaehyun was not always there. Because of the comeback they were all under stress and their schedule was filled from top to bottom every day, so the two didn't see each other that often. Especially since Taeyong preferred to spend the nights in the studio instead of cuddling up in bed with his boyfriend.

Also the night before their comeback on M'Countdown, Taeyong was in the studio all evening until late into the night, rehearsing the choreo to Kick it over and over again before Jaehyun pulled him out of the studio at 2am. He had enough of watching his boyfriend breaking himself and forced him to go straight to bed in the dorm. They had to be in the studio for the performance at half past seven in the morning, so they had a short night ahead of them.

"Hmm, that's odd. I thought this size was right." Confused, the stylists let their gaze wander over Taeyong's body. The shirt she had him try on was much looser than expected, as well as the pants. In less than half an hour, they would be on stage performing Kick it for the first time. Taeyong sighed, of course he could clearly see his own weight loss. Even his own clothes were hanging loosely on his body. But that was his own fault, after all he still hadn't eaten properly and was only exercising every day. He bit his lip indecisively and looked at himself in the mirror for a moment and he realized that he was beginning to look unhealthy. Even his make-up stylist was not satisfied with his appearance and really nagged him about the dark shadows under his eyes. A part of Taeyong felt completely helpless. He knew that he needed help and that he couldn't go on like this anymore, but he didn't want to burden the others even more. After all, it was his fault that NCT was so split in two, that Jaehyun lost his best friend, that Jungwoo was quite upset about the situation and that his Hyungs had to worry about him, too. To be the reason for Jimin to fight with his band mates was just too much for him. Out of the corner of his eye the first tears came, but he clenched his fists and tried to concentrate on their performance.

The performance as well as the complete show was broadcasted live, so everybody worked hard and gave his best. The performance went great, every step was perfect, after all they had rehearsed the choreo long enough. But in the middle of the performance the view in front of Taeyong's eyes started to blur and his legs and his whole body started to shake. He suddenly felt an unbelievable pressure in his chest making it hard for him to breathe while his head started to thump. During the dance break it happened and Taeyong lost control over his body. His sight went completely black and he only noticed how he hit his head hard on the floor before everything went black.

____________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. 
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for reading my story. I am incredible happy about every comment and every Like i get and I promise you I'm reading every comment even when I don't answer them all.
> 
> Then I just want to announce that the company I work for has normal working hours from now on again since the pandemic is slowly getting better that's why I have less time to write. So I will probably not be able to update weekly anymore. But I will try to update every 2 weeks and hope you are not angry with me...


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence and sound  
> Did they ever hold each other tight  
> Like us? Did they ever fight  
> Like us?

_｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡_

With eyes widened in panic, Jaehyun watched Taeyong's body collapse on stage. Everyone in the studio seemed to hold their breath before the first screamed in panic. Especially the fans immediately called out for Taeyong in panic. Jungwoo, was the first to run to him while Jaehyun's body froze in shock. He only marginally noticed that the staff team ordered to interrupt the live show and shouted around frantically. Before his eyes he still saw Taeyong falling. Only when Mark bumped into him as he was running to Taeyong as well, Jaehyun shook from his numbness and ran to his boyfriend without hesitation and let himself fall on his knees in front of him. Taeyong's skin was snow white.

" _T..Tae_?" Carefully, as if Taeyong could break even more, he very gently grabbed his face and inhaled the air in shock when he noticed a laceration at the back of his head as well as the blood on the stage. Of course, he had noticed that Taeyong was getting worse every day and that he was physically deteriorating and yes, of course he wanted to help him, but he didn't know how. He couldn't do more than to be there for him, to show him that he loves him and needs him. Jaehyun had never felt so helpless as in the last weeks. Recently he was even about to run to the Ceo, tell him everything and beg him to kick Lei out of the band, but Taeyong literally begged him not to do so.

"Jaehyun." Mark pulled the older one slightly away from their leader so two paramedics could get through to Taeyong and carry him off the stage. With eyes still wide open in shock, Jaehyun watched as two paramedics lifted Taeyong from the floor in bridal style and carried him slowly and carefully off the stage. Jaehyun watched as Taeyong's arm hung limply from his body and he lay limp in the arms of the paramedics. Without being able to prevent it, tears came to his eyes and made their way across his cheeks as he freed himself from Mark's grip and ran after the paramedics and the staff team. There is no way he would leave Taeyong alone now.

Mark and Jungwoo stayed shocked on stage and looked at the bloody spot on the stage where Taeyong was lying a moment ago.

"Mark" Johnny, who was also still on stage, put an arm around the canadian's shoulder. "Let's go backstage." Johnny looked at the two younger guys with concern, but a very different emotion grew in Mark. Anger. He was furious. Incredibly angry. He quickly freed himself from Johnny's grip and pushed him back in rage.   
"Don't you _fucking_ touch me!" Surprised, he looked at him. "This is all your fault!"   
Angry, Mark looked at his Hyung, grabbed Jungwoo's arm, took him off the stage and left a confused looking Johnny behind.

For Mark it was now clear that he was on Taeyong's side and from now on he didn't care if the others would avoid him because of that. Taeyong had done nothing wrong and didn't deserve this at all. And if Mark should be honest he was quite afraid for his leader. All the rumors about his past had always been circulating in the fandom and he had a lot of hater but all this never seemed to be the end of the world for Taeyong, after all he had his friends behind him. Mark couldn't imagine how badly Taeyong had to feel, now that they too had turned against him. He himself felt incredibly bad and wished to apologize deeply to his leader for everything. He didn't understand how he could have believed Lei and let himself be manipulated by him in such a way. 

Mark pulled Jungwoo further into the backstage area where they met Haechan who was also totally pale. On top of that he looked as if he would burst into tears at any moment, so Mark immediately pulled him into his arms. "They took Taeyongs to the hospital. Jaehyun went with them." Haechan pressed lightly against his best friend and buried his nose on Marks shirt. "What the hell just happened?" Mark pulled the younger one closer and looked at Jungwoo, looking for his help.

"This is all Lei's fault. We'll explain everything when we get to a private place. You just have to promise to listen to us." Slightly confused Haechan looked at Jungwoo and nodded slightly. The maknae just wanted to know why all this happened. 

Trembling, Jaehyun sat on one of the hard, metal chairs in the waiting room of the hospital and nervously bounced his legs up and down. For 20 minutes the doctors had been taking care of Taeyong and Jaehyun had the feeling that he could pass out at any moment because of tension and anxiety. Hyunjoon, his manager, was pacing up and down the hallway, alternating on the phone between Taeyong's mother, the Ceo, and Yoojin, their other manager. All the time doctors were walking along the corridor but either they could not or were not allowed to give any information and Jaehyun had the feeling that everything around him was happening in slow motion. Again and again he saw Taeyong's eyes twitching across the stage before all the colors faded from his face and his body collided with the stage. Jaehyun leaned back and buried his face in his hands. His thoughts went crazy and he just wanted to go to his beloved friend, hold him close and never let go. Although he probably could not have prevented it, he still made incredible reproaches. He had noticed how Taeyong became thinner and thinner and went to the studio more and more often than before. Still, he hadn't done anything about it and the guilt was now gnawing at him incredibly. But Jaehyun himself had been on the road every day because of the comeback, so that the two didn't see each other that often and when they had some minutes for themselves they spent them cuddled up close together in bed and enjoyed their time together.

" _Jaehyun_!" Shocked, Jaehyun flinched and looked in the direction from which he was called. Baekhyun and Kai ran towards him with rather quick steps and Jaehyun immediately felt more comfortable and above all safer with the presence of his Hyungs. With shaky legs, he rose from the hard chair and was immediately pulled into a tight hug by Baekhyun. As soon as Baekhyun's arms were around his body, part of Jaehyun collapsed and he sobbed desperately, clutching himself more into the arms of the hug. Baekhyun immediately held him even tighter while the worry inside himself grew more and more, because he only knew Jaehyun as an emotionally strong person. "We watched the live stream and followed everything." Kai laid a sympathetic hand on Jaehyun's shoulder for a moment.   
"We came here as soon as possible." Baekhyun and Jaehyun slowly separated and Jaehyun rubbed his flat hand over his wet eyes. "S..sorry Hyung."   
With a soft expression on his face, Baekhyun looked at him. "Don't apologize for that, it's perfectly normal to be upset by all this."

However, with the arrival of the two, Jaehyun didn't even notice a doctor talking to Manager Hyunjoon.  
  
  


｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't updated you for so long, but I just couldn't continue writing at this point.   
> As you may have noticed, taeyong in real life is not doing very well right now and I am very worried and couldn't get myself to work on my chapter. Not after everything just got too real. Of course, in reality there is no Lei that makes life difficult for him but a lot of hater who gnaw very much at his mental health.
> 
> I'm sorry if the chapter didn't turn out well and I have to admit that I'm not at all satisfied with it. Especially because it was supposed to be completely different


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m enduring through alone  
> I hold out my hand  
> But no one is there to grab it
> 
> As I try to escape above
> 
> ___________________________

"W-wait what?!"

With eyes wide open, Haechan looked at his band members in disbelief. He just couldn't believe what he just heard from them. Jungwoo and Mark just nodded and confirmed their statements. Incredibly shocked, Haechan let himself fall onto Jungwoo's bed. Due to the new information he was even paler than before. He just couldn't believe what he just heard. He didn't know Lei for long but he had trusted him and counted him among his friends. His band members had always been more than just friends for him. They were his family, his brothers and although Lei was still quite new, Haechan had already counted him among them. Lei seemed to be quite nice and friendly to him but now that he thought about it he noticed that since he joined the band, the mood was quite turned down. Knowing that Lei is to blame for everything and that Taeyong was in hospital because of him made him incredibly angry and sad at the same time.

"I want to see him."

Confused, Jungwoo and Mark looked up. "What? Lei?"  
Eye-twisting, Haechan got up from the bed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "No, to Taeyong Hyung of course. Let's go to the hospital to see him." He sighed lightly. "Jaehyun probably could use our presence as well."  
Mark and Jungwoo looked at each other before they both nodded and stood up as well.  
"Okay then, let's go right away."

The three boys left Jungwoo's room with quick steps and made their way out of the dorm. Arriving in the elevator, Mark's mobile phone rang and after a look at the display, the Canadian went to answer it directly.  
  
"Chenle?"  
Immediately Haechans attention was on his band mate and he wondered why one of his Dream members called.  
"No, don't worry. Taeyong is fine."  
Both Jungwoo and Haechan watched Mark making his phone call. As it seemed the Dreamies had noticed the accident, after all it was broadcast live on TV.  
"We are on our way to see him right now. I can call you afterwards and tell you exactly how he is."  
The elevator stopped at the bottom and the three of them left the dorm together.  
"Yes, I promise to call you right back. Yeah, yeah, don't worry, Chenle."   
Mark ended the call and sighed through his hair.  
"The Dreamies saw the performance on the Internet. Chenle says Jisung and Jaemin are pretty upset and scared."  
None of them could blame them. Jisung and Jaemin had always been fascinated by Taeyong. They would never admit it, but Taeyong was and remains their favourite Hyung. To see him collapse on live TV on stage was definitely a huge shock for the two of them.  
"Anyway, I promised Chenle to call back as soon as we know how Taeyong Hyung is doing."

The rest of the drive to the hospital was quiet. Everyone followed their own thoughts. Haechan's thoughts were only about one thing. He just couldn't believe that he let Lei manipulate him like that. He still couldn't believe that Lei treated his leader Hyung so badly without him even noticing it. Haechan felt bad, incredibly bad. Never before in his life had he felt so much shame and guilt as right now. Even in the hospital, Haechan was still absorbed in his thoughts and therefore flinched a little when Jungwoo called for Jaehyun. Jaehyun was standing in the hallway of the hospital together with his exo Hyungs Baekhyun and Kai and all three of them immediately looked in their direction when they heard Jungwoo's call. 

"How is he?" Mark literally blurted out the question when they reached the other three. He just couldn't wait any longer and finally wanted an answer. There was a slight smile on Jaehyun's lips that made Haechan breathe a sigh of relief. Jaehyun would not smile if Taeyong wasn't well, would he?

"He is fine. The head injury is not deep and won't cause him any more problems." Jaehyun sighed "The whole situation is taking him incredibly. He has probably not eaten for days and is overworking himself more and more. His body couldn't keep up with it."   
A worried expression appeared on Jaehyun's face and he felt incredibly bad. After all, it is his duty as Taeyong's boyfriend to take care of him and yet, he hadn't noticed how Taeyong was becoming more and more broken day by day. Baekhyun, who probably felt the discomfort of his friend, put a hand on his shoulder and turned to the three in front of him.  
"Taeyong is doing as well as can be expected. He also regained consciousness a few minutes ago and became responsive. He's talking to your manager right now."

"C... Can I see him?"

Surprised everyone looked at Haechan but he just played nervously with his fingers and looked at Jaehyun pleadingly and he nodded slightly. Haechan didn't wait for more and went immediately to the hospital room of his leader. He knocked at the door and after a quiet "come in" he entered the room. Manager Hyunjoon rose from his chair next to Taeyong's bed, smiled encouragingly at Haechan and left the two of them alone. Taeyong sat up slightly when he saw Haechan and forced himself to smile. But Haechan was not in the mood to smile. Tears started to form in his eyes when he saw his leader sitting so pale and weak on the bed.

"H..hyung."  
Immediately the expression on Taeyong's face became incredibly worried.  
"Donghyuck."

Hesitantly Taeyong spread his arms slightly and Haechan immediately threw herself into the arms of his leader.   
"I..I'm so sorry." He clung to Taeyong and couldn't hold back his tears. "I'm so sorry Hyung."  
Sobbing, the younger one buried his face in the crook of Taeyong's neck.   
"I... I should have been there for you. I'm so sorry I wasn't."  
Haechan felt incredibly miserable and only now he realized how much he missed the close contact to his leader lately. Of course he had noticed that Taeyong wasn't home for several days, after all he lived on the same floor as he. Of course, he noticed everything, but he had been manipulated by Lei too much for him to think straight. Only now in retrospect he noticed that already at the moment when Lei took his Leader title from Taeyong he should realize that something seemed to be completely wrong.  
  
Taeyong wrapped his arms tighter around Haechan's body and tried to calm him down. He didn't want the Maknae to cry and be sad because of him. He didn't want anyone to be sad because of him.  
"Donghyuck, don't worry, I'm fine."  
Soothingly he stroked his back but Haechan wasn't calmed down at all.  
"We both know that's a lie."  
Haechan separated himself a little bit from his leader and looked at him. His cheeks were still wet with tears and Taeyong gently stroked them away.  
"Let me help you. I don't want to be idly and watch how Lei is breaking you and NCT apart anymore. Please let me help." 

Taeyong sighed slightly and stroked Haechan's wet cheek one last time.  
"I don't want to involve you in my affairs. Since this is my own problem and only I can solve it somehow."  
Haechan groaned slightly and took Taeyong's hand in his.  
"The problem, as you call it, is too big to handle by yourself. Please let me help. Jungwoo and Mark are on your side too and together with Jaehyun and your SuperM Hyungs we can do it. Please Hyung, I don't want you to be hurting anymore."  
  


"Haechan is right, Tae. This has gotten out of control."

Jaehyun leaned into the doorway and looked at them. Haechan immediately nodded approvingly.  
"We must finally inaugurate the management. It can't go on like this anymore."

" _Jaehyun_..." Taeyong looked at his boyfriend. He didn't want the management to know about his problems. He wanted to do it alone. He didn't wanted to look weak.

"No, baby, it's not a crime to show weakness. On top of that, Baekhyun Hyung and I have already discussed this. We'll tell management and the CEO. It can't go on like this. You're already in the hospital. I don't want to experience this again."  
Toward the end, Jaehyun's voice broke slightly. Watching Taeyong collapse on stage was like a nightmare coming true. Never before in his life he had felt such a fear as in this moment and he knew he wouldn't be able to go through this again.

"Okay, we'll tell management."

Although Taeyong's voice didn't sound very convincing yet, Jaehyun and Haechan were immediately satisfied with these few words. On Haechan's lips a smile was finally appearing on his lips again and he wrapped his arms around his leader in relief .

Hopefully everything would finally get better. It can't really get any worse... can it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new update. The fact that Taeyong didn't updated us anymore and I had absolutely no idea how he was doing had affected me a lot over the last weeks. But now he finally texted us on bubble. Well, it's only a mini update with lyrics from his song Long flight but at least it's something. I am happy.
> 
> Ah and before I forget. I have a small request for you. I love to read angsty stories, but I am too stupid to find good ones. So if you know good Angsty stories, please recommend me some in my private messages. (in the comments this would rather go under)
> 
> My favourite are boyxboy stories. favourite shipping is obviously Jaeyong. But I also like all other parings with Taeyong.
> 
> I also love Woosan and Woosang.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I look inside myself and see my heart is black  
> I see my red door, I must have it painted black  
> Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts  
> It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black  
> ________________

Jaehyun was very angry. He was furious. He had been with Taeyong until just now but since the visiting hours at the hospital were over, Jaehyun had only one goal left. Lei. He didn't want to hold back anymore, especially not now that it was Lei's fault that Taeyong was in the hospital. Jaehyun had never felt such a strong anger in his life as he felt right now and he knew he would take everything out on Lei. He didn't want to watch him hurting his boyfriend more and more. Lei had broken so much in the short time he was in the band that Jaehyun slowly started to believe that it would be better if he and Taeyong would leave the band themselves. Lei had managed to break his boyfriend, his Taeyong completely. Taeyong never had the best and biggest self-confidence and Lei had now completely taken it from him. Taeyong was already doubting himself all the time and Lei made everything only worse. Much, much worse.

Incredibly angry Jaehyun entered the dorm and looked around for Lei. He finally wanted to teach him a lesson.

" _Jae_? How's Taeyong?" Doyoung looked up from his mobile phone when he noticed Jaehyun and stood up immediately, but Jaehyun did not even pay attention to him.

"Where is he? Where's Lei?" Jaehyun's voice resembled the growl of a dog or wolf. Doyoung looked at him in surprise. "I think he wanted to go back to the studio."   
As soon as Doyoung had spoken, Jaehyun turned on his heel and left the dorm again. He didn't notice that Johnny followed him quietly and secretly.

Doyoung was right. Lei was in the studio going over some of the choreographies. But when Jaehyun opened the door to the training room, he flinched slightly and stopped the music.   
"Jung? To what do I owe the honor?" A smile spread across his face and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Say, how's Taeyong?"

Jaehyun didn't feel like holding back anymore and went growling to Lei without thinking about the consequences and punched him in the face with his clenched fist. Lei fizzled up immediately in pain and fell backwards due to the sudden attack.

"That was for Taeyong, asshole!" Jaehyun growled angrily. Lei quickly recovered and wiped the blood off his face. Jaehyun had probably broken his nose, because it didn't stop bleeding.   
Lei laughed contemptuously. "You can punch me as often as you want Jung, but Taeyong deserves everything he got."

Growling, Jaehyun walked towards Lei again and pressed him with his back against the wall. "I will tell you only once. From now on you will stay away from Taeyong and stop your stupid and childish revenge." He looked at Lei angrily. "Just because you have a problem with him, Taeyong doesn't deserve any of this. Grow up and learn to solve your problems in a different way."

Lei, however, laughed again scornfully and before Jaehyun could have stopped it, Lei grabbed him by his arms and turned them both with a nimble movement so that he was now pressed against the wall with his back. Lei's body was definitely wider and more muscular than Jaehyun's and was accordingly stronger and more powerful than he was. 

"It's all just a big joke to you but you don't care that you are about to ruin the whole damn band and that Taeyong is in the hospital because of you." You could clearly hear the disgust in Jaehyun's voice.

"This is the way it should be." Lei's lips were covered with a mocking smile. "I promised Taeyong revenge and suffering for all eternity. I'm just keeping my word."

"I will not let you do this. Stay away from Taeyong. What will it prove if you keep treating him like this? You think it makes you look good? Do you think you'll end up as a winner? You're the one who's pathetic, and believe me Lei, in the end you're the one who'll end up a pile of misery with no help and no friends." 

Growling, Lei clenched his hands into fists and punched Jaehyun in the face with full force. The latter slammed more into the wall behind him.  
"You know nothing Jaehyun. Taeyong deserves all this and I am far from finished with him. But keep up the good work. You just put yourself on my death list. It will be my pleasure to ruin your life just like I ruined the life of your pathetic little friend."Growling again Lei reached out to punch Jaehyun again.

But before his fist could collide with Jaehyun's face again, a second hand embraced Lei's and pulled him away from him abruptly. 

Surprised, Jaehyun looked at Johnny, who held Lei's wrist tightly and looked at both of them confused and stunned. "Are you two trying to kill each other or what?"  
Confused, Johnny looked back and forth between his former best friend and Lei. He had followed Jaehyun from the dorm to the studio and couldn't believe what was happening in front of his eyes.

"Johnny." Lei turned slightly from Johnny's grip and looked at his friend. "I'm glad you're here. Jaehyun attacked me and tried to blame me for Taeyong's condition." With a confident smile on his lips, he turned to Jaehyun. Johnny had broken off the friendship with Jaehyun and would definitely take his side, he was sure of that.

Eye-twisting and gasping sarcastically, Jaehyun leaned against the wall and wiped the blood from his face, which was continuously flowing from his nose and lip as a result of the punch. "Yeah, sure." 

Johnny knew Jaehyun. They had been best friends since the beginning of NCT and he knew that Jaehyun did not simply fight with others for no real reason. Jaehyun hated physical fights and always wanted to talk things out which made him wonder about the whole situation. Ever since Taeyong collapsed on stage and Mark blamed him for it, he had been thinking about it and became more and more sceptical about Lei. To catch him now trying to beat up his former best friend only confirmed his doubts. He had not overheard their entire conversation but enough to know that Jaehyun had been right all along. Lei was responsible for everything while Taeyong had been innocent the whole time. 

"Lei, enough." Surprised, Lei and Jaehyun both looked at Johnny.

"What?" Lei frowned and looked at Johnny in disbelief. "Johnny?"

But Johnny's eyes were glued to Jaehyun. He suddenly regretted having let Jaehyun go as his best friend.

"Are you serious?" Breathing shocked, Lei stepped back and let his gaze waver between them. "You take his side? After all he did? You'd rather take Taeyong's side even though he wanted to kick me out of the band?" You could clearly hear the desperation in his voice.

Johnny's gaze continued to stick to Jaehyun before he nodded slightly. "Jaehyun is my best friend, my brother. I would never not want to be on his side."

There was a look of surprise on Jaehyun's face.

" _Traitor_!" Lei hissed angrily, turning both Johnny and Jaehyun's gaze toward him. "You'll regret this. You'll both regret it!" Angry, betrayed and desperate Lei stormed out of the studio and left them behind.

"Johnny"  
"Jaehyun"

_"I think we really need to talk."_

_･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★･:*:_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG finally a positive chapter. It feels like years since something positive happened.
> 
> Sorry that it took so long with the update, but my laptop broke down and since I'm on vacation I couldn't buy a new one yet. 
> 
> Did u saw the superm teasers? Omg I'm so excited!! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothin' goes as planned  
> Everything will breakPeople say goodbyeIn their own special way  
> ___________________________

  
  


"Ready?"

Taeyong sighed and looked around the hospital room once more, making sure he had packed everything. He had been in the hospital for 6 days and was now incredibly happy to finally get out of here. He didn't like hospitals at all, but who would like them anyway? With a last glance through the empty rooms, he finally turned to the door and nodded at Baekhyun."Ready"The SuperM Leader had agreed to pick up Taeyong from the hospital and bring him back to the 127 Dorm and stood in the doorway of the room with Taeyong's bag in his arms. "Let's go. Let's get the hell out of here." Baekhyun gave him a gentle smile and left the room while Taeyong took another deep breath and yet again, just to be on the safe side, let his eyes wander through the room before he followed his Hyung.  
  


"Mark texted me that they have ordered food and we should pick it up on the way. They're all waiting for you to come back home." Baekhyun happily babbled on the way to the van while Taeyong's mind was somewhere else. He didn't know whether he should be happy to return to the dorm or not. Of course he was happy to leave the hospital, but the last time he was in the dorm, he had overworked himself so much that he ended up here in the hospital. He knew that physically and mentally he would not be able to handle it a second time. Even on the way to the dorm, Baekhyun tried to cheer him up and actually managed to get Taeyong to smile or giggle every now and then before they arrived and left the car. They had picked up the food on the way as promised, so the whole car had smelled of delicious food during the ride so that both their stomachs had been grumbling hungrily.  
As soon as they both left the elevator on the 5th floor and opened the door to the dorm, someone ran towards them and threw himself into Taeyong's arms. Surprised, he flinched back for a moment before he returned the stormy hug. The smaller body literally clung to him like a drowning man whose life depended on it."Watch out Hyuck. You'll crush him." At Jaehyun's words Haechan slowly loosened his grip and wiped his wet eyes with his hand. "Sorry, I'm just so glad you're back Hyung."

Smiling lightly, Taeyong stroked the Maknae's hair and the latter smiled back slightly before the he broke away from his leader. Through the conversation with Jungwoo and Mark, Haechan had realized what had actually happened and how devious and fake Lei actually is. The truth had hit him hard and made him feel devastated. On the day of Taeyong's accident, he sat together with the two older ones in the evening and both of them told him everything that had happened Taeyong and Haechan had the feeling that his world would shatter at any moment. He felt guilty for not having noticed any of this. But Lei had manipulated him as much as everyone else. He had always behaved incredibly friendly towards him and tried to distract him whenever he wanted to talk about Taeyong or just thought about him. Now that Taeyong was home again, he had decided to be more attentive. Haechan separated completely from his leader and gave him a gentle smile before turning to Baekhyun and the delicious smelling food.

Taeyong watched as Haechan took off the bags of food and both of them disappeared into the kitchen before his eyes turned to Jaehyun, who was standing casually in the doorway. His hair lay fluffy, uncombed on his head and fell into his face. There were dark shadows under his eyes, and he looked all in all rather broken and sad."Jae..."The corners of Jaehyun's mouth lifted slightly and he walked slowly towards Taeyong, wrapping his arms around him and pulling his boyfriend gently to his chest. Taeyong immediately returned the hug and closed his eyes."Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear?" Taeyong nodded slightly and buried his face in the crook of Jaehyun's neck."Next time you are unwell, come to me or to one of the others. Do not hold back your emotions again and talk to us. We want to help you Tae. We are here for you, I am here for you."  
"I promise." Taeyong's fingers clawed slightly into Jaehyun's sweater. He had never intended to scare and worry his band members and especially him, his boyfriend in any way. However, he found it incredibly difficult to talk to the others about his problems. In his opinion, he had already involved too many people in Lei's and his fight and did not want to burden them with his problems anymore. Jaehyun pulled Taeyong more towards him and buried his face briefly in his hair, which made Taeyong smile. He had missed being so close to his boyfriend.   
"I was really worried about you Yongie. Please never do this to me again." Jaehyun's voice was shaking. "I wouldn't be able to go through this again."  
  


Taeyong released himself worried and looked his friend in the eyes.Tears had gathered in Jaehyun's brown eyes and the sight broke his heart. Gently he embraced Jaehyun's face with his hands and looked into his eyes. "Jaehyun, baby, I promise you it will not happen again. I will take more care of myself from now on." Lightly he stood on his tiptoes to gently press his lips to the tip of Jaehyun's nose. The gesture automatically caused Jaehyun to wiggle his nose sweetly, bringing a smile to both their faces. "Don't worry about me, I am fine." Gently smiling, Taeyong stroked his friend's cheek. "Come on, before the food gets cold." He lied about being fine. Taeyong was still far from "fine", but he wanted to enjoy his first evening outside the hospital and decided to face all his problems again tomorrow.  
Gently smiling, Taeyong took his boyfriend's hand and pulled him into the kitchen where the others were already waiting for both of them."Finally! I thought I was starving" Jungwoo immediately waved them both to the table where Baekhyun, Mark and Haechan were already sitting. Smiling, Taeyong released his hand from Jaehyun and let himself slide onto one of the chairs next to Baekhyun and briefly looked at the food in front of him. As soon as Jaehyun sat down next to Taeyong, Haechan raised his glass. "I know that this is not alcohol but let us make a toast to Taeyong Hyung being with us again. Everything will be better from now on." Smiling, Baekhyun raised his glass, too. "Taemin and I have an appointment with the top managers of the company tomorrow and will finally tell them the truth. As Haechan said, from now on, everything will finally get better. ""Lei should finally leave. He scares me." Mumbling, Jungwoo also raised his glass. "i totally agree with you, that guy is just creepy." Mark joined the others and raised his glass, too.  
  


Taeyong smiled slightly and raised his glass of orange juice as well. He didn't think the company could do anything about it, but his friends managed to give him a spark of hope.

"For everything to get better." With these words they toasted each other and started eating.

They talked about all kinds of things during the meal and Taeyong was glad to finally come up with some different thoughts. The time with his friends distracted him and he even forgot all his worries for a short time. At least until one person entered the kitchen and cleared his throat. Immediately, all eyes were on the newcomer and Taeyong felt the color disappear from his face and panic spread. Panic, even though there is someone in front of him whom he never had to panic before. Someone with whom he had always felt comfortable, safe and homely.

"What are you doing here?" Jungwoo stood up and looked at Johnny defiantly. "I invited him." As soon as Jaehyun said those words, all eyes were on him. Especially Taeyong looked at him with big eyes, confused and shocked. "You what?!" Shocked, Jungwoo turned to his Hyung.

Jaehyun raised his hands calmly before turning to Taeyong. "Before you judge, listen to what he has to say. After that, you can still say and think whatever you want." Jaehyun took Taeyong's hands in his and squeezed them lightly. "I know he has hurt you and I am not asking you to forgive him but at least hear him out."

Uncertainly Taeyong bit on his lip and looked from Jaehyun to Johnny. He was still standing in the doorway and definitely looked as if he was uncomfortable as well. Taeyong turned his gaze to Baekhyun and looked at his Hyung almost pleadingly. Baekhyun understood the mute message directly. "No more talking today. Taeyong has just returned, and there is no room for negativity tonight. If Taeyong is ready tomorrow, he can still talk to him tomorrow." Taeyong was incredibly grateful to Baekhyun for those words. He really wasn't ready to talk to Johnny now and face all his problems again. Today he just wanted to spend a nice evening with his friends.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rest in peace Rube!♥ You're loved♥ Thank u for taking care of Ty for over 10 years. He will miss you.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: suicide, schizophrenia, child abuse. 
> 
> You can skip this chapter if you want!

Incredibly angry Lie left the studio. The fact that Johnny had now turned against him did not suit him at all. He was so close to completing his plan. Even if Johnny was no longer on his side, he would still pursue it and finish his plan. Of course, it would be easier with Johnny. By losing Johnny's trust and friendship he definitely had to speed up his plan. It wouldn't be long before Johnny got all the others from NCT against him and they would kick him out of the band. He had worked on his plan way too long to give up now. Not now. Since time was running out he had to speed up his plan, if not jump straight to the last point. The end of his plan. In his imagination, this point would completely destroy Taeyong. It would cost him his career. In his ideal world, SM Entertainment would kick him out of the company and everyone knew that if one of the Big 3 kicked an idol, you would automatically be blacklisted and no other company would care about you anymore. If his plan works, this is exactly what would happen to Taeyong.

Sighing, he ordered a new drink from the bartender and thought back to the time when he had started to hate Taeyong. It all began when he was almost 9 years old. When he moved to seoul with his mother after his parents split up. His mother met Taeyong's mother at work and they became friends quite quickly. Lei and his mother had actually always a close relationship. Because of his father's separation, both went through hell together and he thought that this only brought them closer together. But he was wrong and everything changed when his mother met the Lee family. 

His mother had adored Taeyong's mother and really looked up to her and her family. Lei was just 9 years old when she started to compare him more and more to the son of the Lee family. No matter what he did, he wasn't Taeyong, he was not Lee. Everytime when he wrote an exam at school and was proud of his score and was looking forward to show it to his mom, she would react with "I heard Taeyong scored more points. Or similar statements. Lei did not know Taeyong personally. He might have seen him on school from time to time, but never had the urge to make friends with him. When Lei turned 14, he felt invisible to his mother. No matter what he did, no matter what scores he brought home from school. He was not Taeyong. Under the pressure to get better, he completely distanced himself from his friends and studied day and night. He wanted to become better than Taeyong. He wanted to make his mother proud and finally win her back. But no matter what he did, he couldn't reach him. At 15, he decided to give up. One day he talked to his mother. He asked her why Taeyong was so much more important to her than him, her own son. In response, his mother slapped him. 

He didn't want to live like this anymore. He wouldn't be able to convince his mother anyway. He didn't want to learn all the time, just to to impress his mother. He didn't want to give his best for nothing anymore. At the age of 15, he had a complete character change behind him. He had changed completely. His colorful clothes were dominated by black clothes in his closet, his smile was rarely seen anymore and his cigarettes were always in his jacket pocket. He was also no longer present every day at school and when he did, his scores did not interest him anymore at all. He did not care about anything at all. The only thing he felt was hate for the oh so perfect Taeyong. His mother had still not changed. She had rather worsened.   
At the age of 15 he met Yoonah. Yoonah was like him. She loved dark clothes, dark music, and just like him she had a huge hatred for the world. Their first meeting was in September 2015, when Lei had skipped class again and was sitting on an old, slightly rotten wooden bench behind the school grounds. He was wearing an oversized black hoodie, had pulled the hood deep into his face and was tugging on his cigarette when Yoonah discovered him. She had also left class because she couldn't stand it among all the other students and fled outside where she saw him smoking alone on the bench. Without hesitation, she went to him. He still remembers exactly how she approached him for the first time. "Ey loser! If you're going to smoke here, be so kind and at least pass me a cigarette."   
After these words, a grin was forming on Yoonah's lips and Lei handed her the cigarette pack.   
From that moment on, the two of them spent every second together. They met before school, at school and after school. Yoonah was absolutely not like other girls. She was the complete opposite of the typical girl cliché. She hated everything that looked sweet and cute, and she was literally allergic to the color pink. Although she was also only 15, her body was covered with tattoos. Especially on her arms there were no more free spaces of skin to be found. In her face she also had already 3 piercings. Two in her lip on each side and one in her eyebrow. Her long, blue colored hair was mostly tied in two braids and lay curly over her shoulders and although she didn't originate from the typical girl cliché, she was the most beautiful girl Lei ever saw.   
  


Yoonah and Lei were soulmates. They did everything together. While Lei's hatred for Taeyong grew more and more, Yoonah's hatred for the world grew daily. Both were different people with different, horrible stories, but both were filled with hate.While Lei felt that he was never enough, Yoonah had quite different demons to fight. She suffered from severe schizophrenia since she was 12 years old. Her parents, who believe that mental illness does not exist, refused to pay her therapy. Untreated, her delusions and paranoia became stronger and stronger and she saw a danger in everyone. Except in Lei. Because of her lack of emotionality and her different appearance, she was always excluded and bullied by other girls. Lei was the first person who was different the first person who was similar to her. She felt from the beginning that there was no danger coming from him.

When Lei told her about his hatred for Taeyong, she began to believe in her delusion that Taeyong was the cause for everything. Her schizophrenic thoughts immediately thought Taeyong was an incredible danger. Lei's hate for Taeyong had burned into her mind so much that her schizophrenia suddenly revolved around the boy as well. In her mind, he took on the form of an terrible monster and she began to hallucinate about him. Although she never met Taeyong personally, just like Lei, and only saw him at school from time to time, she slowly felt the same hate as Lei felt towards him.

When Yoonah turned 18, Taeyong was announced as a rookie by SM Entertainment. That same evening, she took her own life. She had sent Lei a video of her sitting in the bathtub with her arms already slit out and asked him why everything in this world was against her and why the bad people always won everything. 

This was the point where Lei had decided to take revenge on Taeyong. He didn't understand why Taeyong was winning everything while he himself was losing everything. Through Yoonah's death, he had lost the only person who could make him happy, the only person he loved. And now she was gone.He would never be able to see her again, never see her beautiful smile again. The smile that belonged only to him and no one else. This was the moment when Lei decided to destroy Taeyong. Not even 1 year later he was accepted at an audition at Big Hit and became an Idol Trainee and his plan finally began. 

Again sighing Lei swallowed his drink, put cash on the counter and left the bar. He knew he had to take the last step of his plan before Johnny ruined everything. Outside the bar, he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket and dialed the number of his friend Min Yoongie, also called Suga, and asked him to come by tonight. Just one day later, BTS released the blackmailing video of Taeyong. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today a somewhat different chapter.
> 
> I just wanted to explain Leis reasons and hope that this chapter worked out well.
> 
> I am not familiar with schizophrenia and would like to apologize if my statements are not correct. I googled the disease and mixed different schizophrenia symptoms together.
> 
> If any of my readers is diagnosed with schizophrenia: I do not want to offend anyone. Please feel free correct me anytime. 
> 
> also Suicide is never a solution. If you ever have suicidal thoughts, talk to others about it and seek help. 
> 
> "YOU are enough! 
> 
> "In times of tragedy, it's important to make sure you love yourself first. There's no shame in having to fight every day, but fighting every day, and presumably, if you're still alive to hear these words or read this, then you are winning your war. You're here."
> 
> "When life beats you down. NEVER give up" 
> 
> \- Jared Padalecki


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little reminder that I'm not fluent in English
> 
> Fun story. I was looking for a synonym for heavy rain and found:  
> It's raining cats and dogs outside
> 
> Are people really saying this?  
> I never heared that before.

Taeyong's mobile phone fell out of his hand with a loud clatter and landed with the edge first on the floor, where the screen split directly apart. Taeyong lost all the colors from his face and stared shocked at the broken pieces of his cell phone screen, which were now spread out on the carpet. His heart was beating like crazy in his chest and he felt as if he couldn't breathe anymore. His breathing was uncontrollably rapid while the vision in front of his eyes was getting blurry. Taeyong couldn't believe what had happened. He didn't want to believe what just happened. A hopeless sob left his lips and he pressed his hands over his mouth to avoid waking up the others in the house.

It was the middle of the night and as so often, Taeyong couldn't sleep and was scrolling through social media. The first thing he noticed when he unlocked his phone, were a lot of messages from his manager.Confused, Taeyong clicked on the chat and scrolled through the messages while his eyes got bigger and bigger and the words started to blur in front of his eyes. With shaky fingers he clicked on the link in one of his manager's messages and breathed in sharply as he saw the new video from BTS.   
The title "The Truth about SM's Lee Taeyong" jumped right into his eye and drilled deep into his heart. The video started, but Taeyong was not able to record what the guys in the other band said about him. His body started shaking and the mobile phone slipped out of his hand and was now lying on the floor with a splintered screen in front of him.

With shaky steps he stumbled back and crashed his back against his desk. He had to get out of here. Suddenly the walls of his room became too narrow for him and he felt as if something was taking his breath away. His head switched to autopilot and without thinking about it, Taeyong left his room. He ran down the stairs, stumbled halfway into Haechan, who shouted after him before he disappeared in the elevator. He just had to get out of here. Away from everyone, away from his never ending problems.

He did not care that it was heavenly raining outside. He didn't care about anything. He just had to leave. While in his mind his thoughts were only about the video and that probably the whole world had seen this, his legs led him through the dark Seoul. Only when he stopped, soaked wet, in front of a building his brain turned on again. His clothes stuck to his body while he shivered from the cold. His breathing was still unusually fast, with not much air entering his lungs. Taeyong was completely hyperventilating. With shaky steps he walked towards the building in front of him and pressed the bell. While waiting for the door to open, he wrapped his arms around his cold and wet body.

"Yes? Hello?"   
It didn't take long before Baekyhun's voice came out of the hands-free system, even though it was in the middle of the night.   
"H..hyung."   
Taeyong himself didn't know why he was running to Baekhyun, but his body acted like on autopilot. No sooner had Taeyong finished speaking then the sound of the door being open was heard and he entered the building. Baekhyun was already standing at his door, waiting for his younger friend. When Taeyong arrived, his eyes immediately widened at the sight of him.Taeyong was wet to the bone, his clothes were sticking to his body, he was shivering and looked incredibly pale.

"Taeyong-ah, what are you doing here? It's in the middle of the night."   
Baekhyun pulled the young man into his apartment worried.  
But as soon as Baekhyun put his arms around the younger one, the latter collapsed immediately, crying. Shocked, Baekhyun caught him and pulled him close. Taeyong immediately clung to him.

Call it brother behavior but Baekhyun had this urge to protect Taeyong ever since the day SuperM was formed. Something about Taeyong made Baekhyun wants to protect him from the harshness of the world, from the vile and evil things that could taint the pure soul and ruin his innocent smile. The thought that something had happened again that made his cute Dongsaeng cry, made him angry even though he didn't even know why he was so upset. Baekhyun somehow led both of them to sit down on the sofa and immediately pulled the younger one into his arms again. Taeyong still didn't answer him, so Baekhyun asked him again, this time quieter than before.

"It... I'm sorry, Hyung.... It's just- jaehyun's not home, and I just can't wake the younger ones, and I-I don't know where else to go"

Baekhyun's heart shattered when he heard the broken voice.   
"Hey, it's okay... I don't mind at all."   
Baekhyun was grateful that Taeyong initiated initiated to search for someone and came to him. No matter what happened, it was better to be in company than having to go through everything alone again, because in times like these, being alone could be very dangerous, you can't predict what your stressed brain will offer.

Taeyong wiped the tears from his eyes with trembling hands and sat up a little. "B..Bts released the video. The video about me" Baekhyun looked at him in shock. He couldn't believe what he just heard.

"T...they really did it Hyung." Once again, Taeyong burst into tears. "I...I know, I just don't know what to do." He desperately buried his face in his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Baekhyun bit his lip uncomfortably. He never saw Taeyong as desperate and hopeless as at that moment and he didn't know how to help him. Baekhyun simply pulled him back to his chest, hoping that his presence would give him some support. The older one's head was working like crazy. He just wanted to find a solution, as well as words to calm the younger one. He just tried to be there for him and at least show him that he was never alone.

After they had been sitting closely cuddled together on the sofa for several minutes, if not hours, Taeyong at some point fell asleep from exhaustion. His collapse had literally knocked him out and robbed him all his energy.

He woke up again as someone shook him gently and looked directly into the brown eyes of Jaehyun, which looked at him with worries.   
"Jaehyun?" Tired and exhausted, Taeyong sat up. As a result of the space that had become free, Jaehyun immediately sat down and pulled him into his arms.   
"We are so happy that we found you. Haechan called me directly when you ran out of the dorm. We were really worried. If Baekhyun Hyung hadn't called us, we'd have gone all over Seoul looking for you."  
Taeyong snuggled up closely to his boyfriend's chest and Jaehyun began tostroke his hair gently. "Don't worry babe, we will fix everything. BTS won't get away with it. I promise you that."   
Taeyong buried his face more on his boyfriend's chest and squeezed his eyes together to prevent him from crying again. Jaehyun pulled him closer and gently kissed his forehead as he glanced at Baekhyun who was watching them. Jaehyun muttered a soft thank you that Baekhyun accepted with a slight nod and gave Jaehyun a gentle smile.

"Yong, let's go home and take care of the problem there, okay?" Jaehyun turned to Taeyong again and pressed his lips again on his forehead. "The others are also all worried about you."   
Taeyong just nodded slightly but didn't let go of him one inch. Jaehyun sighed slightly, pulled Taeyong closer and stood up with him in his arms. He said goodbye to Baekhyun and thanked him once more before he left the apartment with Taeyong and drove home with him where the others were anxiously waiting for him. The others and a guest who no one thought would show up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who could it be? o.O


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On days where I hate myself for being me, on days where I want to disappear forever  
> Let's make a door. It's in your heart  
> Open the door and this place will await  
> Magic Shop  
> _______________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now its th english one. I'm so sorry lmao. I kinda mixed the chapters.

"Jimin?"

Confused, Taeyong let go of Jaehyun's hand when he noticed the BTS singer in the hallway. The singer, who was only a few months younger, stood in the hallway of the dorm surrounded by NCT members and looked up immediately when Taeyong called his name.  
"T..taeyong"  
Johnny, who stood slightly behind Jimin, cleared his throat. "I didn't want to let him in at first, after the recent move by BTS, but he insisted on talking to you."No sooner had Johnny spoken Jimin ran to Taeyong and literally threw himself into his arms. No sooner had Johnny spoken, Jimin ran to Taeyong and literally threw himself into his arms. "Taeyong, Hyung, I'm so sorry... I really tried to stop them but... God, I'm sorry."

Slightly overwhelmed, Taeyong directly returned the hug. He himself would never have thought of accusing Jimin and therefore believed him immediately. Jimin had believed him and not let himself be fooled by Lei, as so many others did. That he was here now and apologized showed Taeyong only how much he actually appreciated him and looked up to him.   
While he was holding Jimin in his arms and listening to his apology, he noticed in the corner of his eye how Johnny pointed slightly to the side and followed his gaze until his eyes got stuck on a large gym bag. Jimin's bag.

Taeyong slowly separated from Jimin and looked at him. "W..what are you doing here?"   
Jimin took two steps away from him and stroked his hair. "I just had to see you. When I saw what the video triggered, I couldn't help but drive straight here."   
Jimin sighed lightly. Taeyong glanced at Jimin's bag and Jimin followed his gaze a little. When Jimin's gaze also landed on the bag, the color immediately disappeared from his face and he scratched his head uncomfortably. "I-I um... I think I left BTS."

No sooner had Jimin spoken these words, everyone looked at him in shock.  
"You what?" Jaehyun, who was standing behind Taeyong the whole time, looked at Jimin in shock. "You left BTS?"   
Jimin only became paler after that.   
Taeyong stared at Jimin in disbelief. He didn't know what to say. He felt like someone had taken his breath away. The only thought that went through his mind was that BTS had lost a member because of him. It was his fault! BTS broke apart because of him. It was all his fault.  
Johnny, who could tell from his position that both Taeyong and Jimin looked like they were about to collapse at any moment, cleared his throat. "Maybe we should go to the living room and talk calmly about the whole situation."

Although Taeyong had still not spoken to Johnny and Jaehyun knew that Taeyong felt uncomfortable around him, he was glad he was there and tried to calm the situation.   
Jaehyun immediately agreed with him, gently grabbed Taeyong's far too thin waist and directed him to the living room. Johnny and Jimin followed them, while the other NCT members remained in the hallway and decided to leave the four of them alone. Only Haechan and Jungwoo curiously followed their Hyungs into the living room where Jimin explained what happened in the BTS Dorm.

Jimin said, that when he received the notification of the tweet and saw what it was, he immediately felt betrayed. He had had a conversation with Namjoon just a few days earlier, literally begging him not to publish the video and just stay out of the whole argument, and yet his Hyungs had published the video. Jimin also told how he just angrily grabbed his bag, packed random things and left his room. On his way out of the dorm, he met his leader, Yoongi and Taehyung. The latter looked at him confused. Jimin, however, was furious and hissed angrily at the three of them, "I hope you're happy now," as he walked on to the exit. RM sighed slightly. "Now wait a minute and let's talk about it."

Laughing sarcastically, Jimin stopped at the door and turned to his Hyungs. "Talk about it? Very funny. Fuck you. I'm out. Do your own shit."   
"Out? What are you talking about? WJimin?" Jimin?" Taehyung looked at his best friend in confusion. Jimin rolled his eyes and opened the door. "Just everything. I'm gone. Continue BTS without me." With these words, he left the dorm and barely noticed the others exhaling in horror, and in the background, something clattering to the ground and shattering. But Jimin didn't turn around.

"I was so mad, I just couldn't stay there." Jimin sighed and bit his lip lightly. The others in the room silently listened to his story. "God, what have I done?"   
The 25-year-old buried his face in his hands, slightly desperate. Taeyong who sat next to him became even paler than before. His fingers trembled and he looked as if he would throw up or even collapse at any moment.

"J..jimin?" With an equally shaky voice he turned to him. "Jimin, please don't do this. Do not leave the band because of me. Please don't." Taeyong just couldn't do it. He couldn't be the reason for BTS's breakup. He would never be able to deal with that guilt. Especially not since he knew how many fans were attached to BTS. He just couldn't and didn't want to be the reason for breaking the hearts of millions. His fingers trembled uncontrollably, yet he grabbed the other's hands and held them gently. "I thank you for everything you have done but please, please don't leave BTS." Tears gathered in Taeyong's eyes as well as in Jimin's. "D..don't?" *  
Taeyong shook his head violently. "Don't, please promise me?"

Quietly so as not to disturb the two, Jaehyun quietly left the living room as the doorbell rang. He didn't want to disturb the two in their intimate moment, so he sneaked through the living room to the front door. Jaehyun was surprised to see Jungkook standing at the door. The singer, who was only a few months younger, bounced nervously from one leg to the other and looked up immediately as soon as the door was opened. Jaehyun flinched slightly as he saw Jungkook crying. "I..is Jimin here?"  
Nodding, Jaehyun let his 97 liner friend into the dorm and pointed in the direction of the living room. Jungkook nodded thankfully at Jaehyun and made his way to the living room.

"J..Jimin-ssi!"   
Jungkook stopped directly in the door of the living room and scanned the room for his Hyung. Jimin, as well as Taeyong, looked up in shock as soon as they heard him calling.   
"Jungkook?" Confused, Jimin stood up. "W..what are you doing here?"   
Jungkook just sobbed in response, ran towards Jimin and threw himself into his arms. Startled, he caught him and wrapped his arms around him.   
"You can' t leave us." Desperately, Jungkook clung to his band mate. He didn't care that NCT could see him crying. It didn't matter to him. He just did not want to lose his Hyung."Please don't leave us."

Taeyong stood up quietly from the sofa to leave the room and give the two of them their privacy. He also indicated to the other three to leave the room and Jungwoo and Johnny followed his request directly. Only Haechan kept staring at them. "His hands are bleeding. Jungkook-Hyung's hands are bleeding." Through Haechan's words, Jimin immediately detached himself from his Maknae and gently grabbed his hands, which were indeed bleeding. "When I heard you say you were leaving BTS, my glass slipped out of my hand. Must have cut myself." Jungkook shrugged slightly while Taeyong was already on his way to the kitchen to get the first aid kit. As soon as he entered the hallway, the doorbell rang again. Sighing, he called to Haechan to get the Kit and opened the door.

Taeyong only stares at Namjoon, unable to say anything. The man in front of him had published the video about him a few hours ago and Taeyong hadn't planned to face him so soon, or at all. He noticed his heartbeat getting faster and faster and panic was spreading inside him.   
Namjoon didn't seem to notice this. "Taeyong, are my band members here by any chance?"  
Without saying a word, Taeyong took a step aside and let the leader of BTS into the dorm and pointed in the direction of the others. Namjoon immediately walked past him in that direction. Sighing, Taeyong stroked his hair and tried to control his breathing before he followed the BTS leader.

"Kooks, Jimin."  
Jimin sat next to Jungkook on the sofa and bandaged Jungkook's bloody hand with Haechan's help. But both three immediately looked up at the voice of their leader.   
"Joon?" Confused, Jungkook looked at his leader. "What are you doing here? Did you follow me?"  
Namjoon nodded. "Of course I am. Now come. We're going home."   
Jungkook nodded slightly and got up from the sofa. He held out his uninjured hand to Jimin to pull him along, but the older one just shook his head.  
"No. No, I will not go."   
Namjoon sighed in annoyance. "Now stop fooling around and come home with me. The others are waiting."   
But Jimin just shook his head again.   
"I said, I won't come."

Uncertain, Jungkook let his hand sink and looked back and forth between his leader and Jimin. Jimin also stood up slowly from the sofa and crossed his arms in front of his chest, just as Namjoon did.   
"J..Jimin please." Sadly, Jungkook looked at him. "P..please come back with us."   
But again, he just shook his head. "I'm sorry, Kookie, but I can't go back. Not after the video was released even though I've been begging them not to do it for weeks. A video that is nothing but lies and rumors, and which pulls a completely innocent person even more into the abyss than it already is. No Kookie, I'm not coming back."   
With tears in his eyes the younger one looked at his band member. "B..but BTS can only exist with you. Without you we are nothing. We need you Hyung."

Jungkook normally never called Jimin Hyung. Desperate, the Maknae turned to his leader and sobbed. "D..do something about it. P..please Hyung."   
Namjoon sighed and pulled Jungkook into his arms as he turned directly to Jimin. "Is everything Lei told a lie?"  
Jimin nodded immediately. "Everything."   
"Tell me the whole story and we'll see how it goes."   
Slightly relieved, Jimin exhaled and turned to look for Taeyong. After all, it was his story.

Taeyong was still standing in the entrance of the living room and followed the conversation with a heavy heart. He felt incredibly bad and above all guilty. It was because of him that Jimin was here, it was because of him that he wanted to leave the band. Jaehyun, who also only silently followed the conversation, gently put his hands on Taeyong's shoulder.   
"Come, let's tell the story again."

And that is exactly what they did. They told Namjoon and therefore Jungkook the complete story again with Lei. How everything started and how quickly the situation escalated. Now and then even Haechan and Johnny, who came back into the living room, interfered and threw their points of view of the situation into the room.   
At the end of the story both, Najoon and Jungkook sat speechless on the sofa and an entering silence lay in the room. Jungkook had snuggled up close to Jimin and tried to hold back the new tears that were shooting into his eyes.

Namjoon cleared his throat slightly and let his gaze wander from his tightly cuddled band members to Taeyong and Jaehyun. Both were also sitting close together. "And this is the complete truth?"  
Taeyong nodded immediately. "Every single word was the truth."  
"Why would you make up something like this.... something that bad?" Sniffing, Jungkook wiped the tears from his eyes. "Lei is a monster."  
Haechan nodded in agreement immediately. "If not even worse than a monster."   
Before Jungkook could confusedly ask what was worse than a monster, Namjoon cleared his throat again.

"An apology will of course not make up for all this, but an apology is definitely in order here. Taeyong I am really incredibly sorry. Lei had told us his story and we believed him directly. We also know him for more than 2 years and never thought that he would be capable of something like this. I know this apology doesn't make up for anything we did to you, but I am really sorry. I will immediately delete the video and post a statement in my own words."

They talked about the whole situation for a while and Namjoon kept apologizing for all the spectacle they had caused. He also said that Lei had evidence for each of his lies and never dreamed that it was all a lie.

Namjoon apologized to Jimin as well, and in the end they both fell into each other's arms, drawing Jungkook into a group hug before Jimin promised to come home with them.

When all three left the dorm, Haechan and Jungwoo burst into loud cheers.   
"This was definitely a win for us! Bts will delete the video and are finally on our side. The whole drama will finally come to an end".

Jaehyun laughed slightly due to Haechan's reaction and pulled Taeyong into his arms. "At last, everything will end."

But Taeyong had already made his decision. He would go to the management tomorrow and cancel his contract. It was the best thing for everyone involved, especially now that the video had already made its rounds on the Internet. Even if BTS would delete it again. Everyone had already seen it, downloaded it or shared it.  
Just like the others had just said: Tomorrow everything would finally come to an end.

______________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST ONE MORE CHAPTER AHHHHH!!


	31. the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take my hands now  
> You are the cause of my euphoria  
> Euphoria  
> Take my hands now  
> You are the cause of my euphoria

Taking one last deep breath, Taeyong stood in front of SM Ceo Lee Soo-Man's office. To say that he was not afraid of the conversation would be a huge lie, because Taeyong was downright panicked. Lee Soo Man had trusted him. He had put Lei in his care. And now not even half a year later, the whole internet was full of Taeyong and Lei's names. Each article more negative than the next.

Taking a deep breath, Taeyong knocked on the door with shaky fingers. He swallowed uncomfortably as he entered the office and his legs felt like pudding as he walked uncomfortably toward his boss. Lee Soo-Man gestured for Taeyong to get comfortable on the chair in front of his desk and folded his arms on the table in front of him. Uncomfortable, Taeyong sat down across from him. Although he avoided eye contact, he could feel that he was being stared at. Lee Soo Man cleared his throat slightly, causing Taeyong to slowly lift his gaze. "You know why you're here, don't you?"Taeyong nodded. Of course he knew why."It was a big shock for all of us to see the BTS video, especially since it was about you. NCT's leader." Uncomfortable, Taeyong unconsciously started playing nervous with his fingers.

"Anyway, I'd also like to hear your side of the story. We have now met Leis in detail. However, you have been in our entertainment for 7 years and accordingly, I can definitely say that I know you and that this isn't your way. So I would like to hear your side of the story as well." Surprised by Lee Soo-Man wanting to listen to him, Taeyong looked up. His Ceo was the first one who, without judging him directly, wanted to hear his side of the whole story. And for that very reason, Taeyong told him everything. How he felt that he knew Lie, how he had approached him about it and that's when it all started. He told him that Lei was spreading more and more rumors about him and managed to divide him from his band members. He told him that Lei was hurting him not only mentally but also physically. And even though Lee Soo-Man is the CEO of SM and was not one of his friends, Taeyong even told him that Lei managed to break him mentally so much that he only felt uncomfortable with himself. Lee Soo-Man listened to him silently all the time without interrupting him. Even when Taeyong was finished with his story, the older man remained quiet. Only after what felt like an eternity to Taeyong did he clear his throat and look at him. Uncertainly, Taeyong tried to withstand the CEO's gaze.   
"Thank you for telling me all this. I'm shocked to hear all you've had to go through. To be honest, I found Lei's story weird and unbelievable from the beginning." Taeyong's eyes snapped open in surprise. "Y..you believe me?" Lee Soo-Man nodded slightly. "As I mentioned earlier Taeyong, you have been with us for 7 years and I think I can safely say that I know you, that I know my idols well enough to know who is trustworthy and who isn't. I chose you to be NCTs Leader at that time for a reason. Lie hasn't been with us very long. In fact, I don't even really know him. When Bang PD called me and asked if we would take him into our care, I naturally expected Big Hit to send us someone who wouldn't cause any problems. After all, I never would have guessed that this would all degenerate like this. Anyway, I trust you Taeyong. You are one of our best idols, not without reason I put you in SuperM. I've always been able to rely on you until now, why should that suddenly change?"  
  


Without being able to prevent it, tears filled Taeyong's eyes. He had really thought that Lee Soo-Man would scold him for everything. He never expected this reaction.

"Since I could already guess that nothing of Lei's stories are true, my team and I directly terminated his contract this morning. SM Entertainment does not support any kinds of this behavior. We also forwarded the information of his ejection, so he won't be able to join another entertainment anymore."

"You blacklisted him?" Startled, Taeyong looked at his superior."Of course we did. Someone like him doesn't belong in the Kpop business." 

Taeyong was quite shocked by his supervisor's decision. Idols who are blacklisted have no chance of being accepted by other entertainments. They are also no longer invited to music shows, TV promotions or similar events. They disappear completely from the spotlight. 

Lee Soo-Man folded his arms in front of his chest again. "Now we just have to think about how to proceed with you and the video. The video went straight viral and we can't stop it anymore."

Taeyong took a deep breath before looking at his boss again. " I've also thought about this carefully and I think it makes sense to leave NCT as well as the entertainment. Even if the video is deleted, it has still been all over the internet. The rumors won't stop. I don't want to throw more bad publicity on NCT, SuperM as well as SM Entertainment. I think it would be better if I just pack my bags and leave. I think that would be the best for me too. All this drama has taken a lot more out of me than it should." 

This time it was Lee Soo-Man who looked at Taeyong in shock.

"It breaks my heart to hear you talk like this. You are one of our best idols. Your leaving, would be a huge loss for the entertainment." He sighed lightly and rubbed his forehead. "Still, I understand your thought. In the end, I won't be able to stop you anyways, but are you really sure Taeyong? Music has always been your dream after all, and SM Entertainment can still make it come true for you."

"I know and it is still my wish but after everything that happens i-"

"STOP!"   
In the middle of Taeyongs sentence, the door of the office flew open and Jaehyun, Baekhyun and Namjoon from BTS entered the office.

Jaehyun ran straight to his boyfriend and knelt down to him. "Taeyong, Yongie. Stop it. You're not leaving the band." Perplexed, Taeyong stared at his boyfriend. "Jae?"

Jaehyun completely didn't care that Lee Soo-Man was in the room and gently took Taeyong's hands in his. "You can't leave. Without you, NCT is not NCT, without you, we don't function. You are our leader, our Pillar. You are the one who holds us all together. We'll get everything back together, believe me. Just please, please don't leave us."Overwhelmed by the sudden attack, Taeyong only blinked in perplexity, unable to say anything.

"Jaehyun is right. You belong here. To NCT, to SuperM, to SM. Don't throw it all away." Baekhyun now interfered and put his hand on Taeyong's shoulder.

"B..but with everything that happened? The video." "Don't worry about the video anymore Yongie, we've already settled all that." Baekhyun smiled slightly and pointed at Namjoon.

"I've already discussed everything with Bang PD. The video has been deleted and we, BTS, will upload a new one and explain everything. We will explain that we were manipulated and nothing that was said is true."

Baekhyun nodded. "And that's not all." He turned to Lee Soo-Man. "Sorry to say this but your security system really sucks Sir.I sat down with a buddy of mine and he cracked the SM building's security system. The day Lei beat you up as well as the day he and Jaehyun got into a fight was recorded on camera. There is no sound recording but pictures are worth a thousand words." 

We're going to team up with BTS. Upload a video together where we explain everything and use the footage to back everything up, among other things."

Jaehyun looked at Taeyong with a slight smile. "Everything will be fine, you hear Yongie. We're going to fix everything. You don't have to leave the band leave your dreams behind. Everything will go back to the way it was before."

Overwhelmed by the situation, tears filled Taeyong's eyes again. "Y...you would do this for me?"

Immediately, everyone in the room nodded and Baekhyun also knelt down to his band member. "Of course Ty. You are our friend, more than that, you are our brother."

Namjoon also nodded. "We totally owe it to you. It's our fault that the video was released in the first place. It's the least we can do for you. We've also already cleared everything with Bang PD and Sejin, and we can shoot the video with you guys this week." 

Lee Soo-Man rose from his chair. "I think we have settled everything with this. Listen to your friends and to your heart Taeyong. SM still has a place for you and that won't change anytime soon." With those words, he slowly left the office. "Excuse me, but I have other appointments too. Oh, and Mister Byun we'll definitely talk about the hacking." 

Taeyong looked after him for a moment before Jaehyun squeezed his hands lightly and looked at him hopefully.   
"So what do you say baby? Will you give the new video a chance?" Jaehyun looked at him almost beggingly out of big, brown eyes. Taeyong just couldn't help but nod slightly. Immediately, a big smile stole on his boyfriend's face and Taeyong was pulled into a tight hug. 

"Believe me, the new video will make up for everything."

And that's exactly what it did. Just a few days later, NCT and BTS met at Big Hit Entertainment and shot the video together. They all told what happened including Taeyong. Although they all told him over and over again that he could stay out of the video, he didn't want to. He wanted to explain what had happened, after all, it was his story.The new video immediately went viral.

NCtzens as well as many other Kpop fans were immediately relieved to learn the truth. Especially TyongFs were happy to finally be right with their suspicions that everything was a lie. They had never lost faith in their ulti bias and will continue to never do so.

Lei's kick-out was published on the same day and his name was on the top of the blacklist ever since. 

Normality has also returned to the NCT Dorm. They all sat down and talked after the video was released. Yuta, Taeil and especially Johnny apologized to their leader once again and Taeyong forgave them. Of course, he would never forget what had happened and yes, maybe he trusted them less now than before, however, he forgave them and that was all that mattered at the moment. 

A few months later, NCT went back to the way it was before. They finally started the NCT 2020 preparations and got 2 new band members, Shotaro and Sungchan. Both had been trainees at SM for a long time, so the members all knew each other and no one had to worry about events repeating themselves. 

NCT were in the middle of shooting the Misfit video when the first messages arrived. Probably fans had found out Taeyong's number again and thought it was funny to text him. Sasaengs were nothing new in the Kpop world. And this was definitely one of them  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
right?

TO BE CONTINUED 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so so much for all the support♥  
> i know my english isn't perfect but thank you so much for reading my story. 
> 
> lets meet again in part 2 ♥


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